I was married to my husband Steve for almost 46 years, we’ve been together since I was 17. Five weeks ago, we were sat on the sofa when he said he felt dizzy, he got up and walked to the front door for some fresh air. We sat on the wall of our porch and all of a sudden he just collapsed onto the floor. My neighbour who is a nurse had just parked her car, and she rang an ambulance and started doing CPR on him until the ambulance arrived which was 8 minutes. The paramedics took him in the ambulance and worked on him for over an hour, but sadly nothing worked. The coroner has said he had a massive heart attack and there was nothing anyone could do.
I feel so lost without him. We had so many hopes and plans and dreams for our retirement. He had taken early retirement to look after me as I was going through breast cancer treatment.
I keep expecting him to walk through the door, every time a car pulls up I think it’s him. Our 2 grown up children have been amazing, they miss him dreadfully as we were a very close family.
Dear @Ann19
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I see that you are new to the Community, I do hope it will be of comfort and support to you.
I would like to share with you some Sue Ryder resources which can help you cope with your grief at this time.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS which is helpful for family and friends.
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through .
Please continue to reach out, you are not alone.
Take care.
Pepsi
@Ann19
So sorry you have the need to join us here, where all of us wish we didn’t need to be. However, you have found a good place for support and will have many people who understand what you have been through and are now living with.
My 60 year old, seemingly very fit husband complained of an ache in his chest and feeling dizzy whilst playing football last April. He never came home having suffered a coronary embolus.
The shock of sudden death is horrendous but when I read the posts on here from others who have had to watch their loved ones decline it is certainly no easier. There is no easy way to lose those we loved.
Keep posting about how you are and we’ll be here for you.
For me, over nine months later (surely it can’t be that long) I now do have a life. It is not the one I would like and I miss Richard so much every day but I am determined to make him proud and look after what was important to him to the best of my ability. He motivates me every day and I use my love for him to get me doing things. Our daughters need me too (my 24 year old has a learning disability and is a long way from independent) so I need to be here for them. The older one gets married this year, which will be another impossibly hard day without him but we’ll do it.
Sending love to you and hope that your inevitable shock and disbelief will ease.
Hugs xxx
Hello @Ann19,my heart goes out to you, all I can say is I can relate to you as I lost my husband the same way, like @KarenF too, suddenly, no warning signs, fit and healthy, at only 57 years old. Who would have thought? I think everyone who knew him and me, are still in shock like I am, unable to come to terms with the fact that he is gone and not coming back. I know so well that feeling of expecting him to walk through the door at any moment. I get by, thinking he is still with me, because I feel he really is. His legacy lives on through me and our two children, I am what I am because we were married 25 years, we are a fusion of one another, so even though a part of me went away with him, I still have my part of him that lives on, so I owe it to him to do my best, and his love that I will always feel, gives me courage and motivation. I hope that perhaps if you try and think of it this way, (this is just my personal experience, after two years without him, maybe not everyone sees it this way), you may find a little comfort to help you along, your love for each other will give you the strength to go on, for you and your children, and for your beloved soulmate too.
Thankyou everyone sorry i didnt reply as ive been away for the weekend with some girl friends (much needed) i try not to think about this reality…i know its happened but still can’t believe it has.He was my world together 24~7 now i spend most of the days alone.yes i have family and friends but same as most of you don’t want to bother them.How i miss hi…x
You’ve replied to a post that is mine.
Oop sorry.dont teally no what to do 
@Ann19 similar thing happened to my hubby last October, i still cant believe it or accept it and keep waiting for him to walk through the door.
I really want to make my hubby proud, and i know he will be at how ive kept the house going and ive recently adopted a dog which is really hard work on my own. Im struggling to find the strength to do anything more. I watch tele, walk the dog but spend alot of time just crying. @Solost and @KarenF your posts give me hope but its just so hard
Love anx hugs to you all
@Skip
It really is a hard journey and this loss is not something we will get over BUT we can choose which way to go and I choose to try and create a life. I know it will never be the life I want but I will make a good life for myself and for my daughters’ sake.
A lovely friend I have made from this forum sent me a book called Resilient Grieving which I have just started reading so will see how those strategies work for me.
Hugs to all xxx
Thanks @KarenF i definitely feel im at those crossroads choose a life, albeit a life that i dont want, and a life that will never be the same…or a life of just existing, getting through each day, waiting for the day i will finally be reunited with my amazing man
Love and hugs xx
@Skip
It’s still very early days for you so don’t despair and trust that you are doing ok. You come on here for help, which is a start in learning to live with this grief. It will be 10 months on 25th since I lost my darling husband yet I can’t see how that much time has passed.
I think the first step for me was facing the reality that he was gone. For myself and the daughter who lives with me that came slightly earlier than for @ObeSnug . I think the fact that Obe didn’t spend each day in the the house without him made it take longer so facing up to the straightforward, but oh so painful truth let me start learning to cope.
It’s a long journey but with the help of family, friends including people from here and for me my faith I am determined to live a purposeful life.
Sending hugs xxx
Thanks for your words of wisdom @KarenF. Im 48 and just dont know how to live the rest of my life without him. Hoping to start counselling soon, fingers crossed that helps.
Sending hugs back to you xx
Soloist
Thank you for your post especially the part about being a fusion of one another and that I still carry my husband with me. That idea really helps and reminded of how often we were thinking the same thing and he would say something just as I was about to say it. Thank you.
Thank you for your kind words @SkyeGardener, I am glad to have been of help to you.
Sending you strength.
Take care