I lost my daughter in dec 2021 she had many rare conditions and I was her full time carer . I’m lost beyond I look like I cope but I’m not I do avoiding tactics I learnt to deal with things when she was alive . I have a shelf on my head I don’t touch was how I coped with when she may die thAt went in there . Now it’s happened I think I’ve not accepted it . Do you ever really ? I know she’s gone but I hate the reality of that so I think she’s still here in some way . I can speak freely when I’ve chosen to talk about her or friends family do . Strangers I find hard unless it’s my choice . I’m being pressured to get counselling and have been on lists but nothing . But how can someone advise me on losing my child if they not lost one . On my case she was my entire life day and night because of her conditions . I keep getting panic attacks have to talk myself down . It’s like I get close to realisation that she’s gone forever and I panic . I have dreams nightmares of the morning I found her all the time . My ex husband keeps asking me to sit and write what I want on her stone I can’t face it I keep avoiding that and he’s offered private counselling but again I avoid it . To others I can look like I’m coping but they don’t see me go to the toilet to breathe cry get myself together and put my mask back on it’s draining trying to pretend your ok
Why do we feel we’ve to wear a mask. To stop others fealing uncomfortable at our greif and upset.
I’ve not lost a child. But I have a disabled son so on some level I can totally understand that they are a massive part of you’re life because you’re caring for them every moment, it becomes who you are.
I’m so sorry for you’re loss.
Dear Shelleywoo
Welcome on behalf of the Sue Ryder community and thank you for putting out there just what you are going through.
Your message was so hard to read, and I’m truly sorry you are suffering so deeply. It sounds as though your ex-husband is trying to support you which is good, but I have included a couple of organisations here which I hope you will look at. Easing your pain in the way that’s best for you is what is needed. Hopefully they can offer the help and support specific to you.
Meanwhile keep reaching out, there are many people on here who will be only too pleased to offer their support too.
Our thoughts are with you,
Miche24
http://www.childbereavementuk.org
The Compassionate Friends is for families who have lost a child of any age: https://www.tcf.org.uk/