We lost our daughter to cancer in February this year, she was only just 40. She left 2 children and a husband.
It was the most difficult time of our lives, looking after her and her family for 7 months and the last 3 weeks of her life in the hospice.
The grand children are 16 and 19 and seem to be coping well with counselling helping them. Our son in law seems to be coping now although he does seem to be taking it out on our grandson who can’t seem to do anything right in his dad’s eyes.
I do try to stay out of it but sometimes I have to step in and talk our son in law round, after all a teenager needs their space to.
It is very hard going through my own grieving process but having to be there for them all, they really rely on us all the time.
I have found losing our daughter really hard, she is our only child. Nearly 6 months now. The tears don’t come so often now but my mind goes into overdrive quite often and all the things she went through come flooding back and the tears start, I never know where it’s going to start either, just walking, in the bathroom, hoovering, anywhere any time.
I am dreading Christmas coming, it is her favourite time of year and she always makes a great effort for it. We made all the decorations for the tree last year, it’s going to be very hard to get them out this year.
We were told the firsts are the hardest but we have to go through them to get to the other side of the grieving process. Also to never apologise for crying no matter where you are or who you are with. Your grieving process is important for you.
Sorry for rambling on but it does you good to just get it out.
Thank you
Hello @Ronks,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I hope it has helped a little to write it down.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but in the meantime you may wish to take a look at:
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Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
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The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304. They have a grief companion scheme for bereaved parents.
Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hi @Ronks
I’ve only just seen your post and it just resonates so much.
I haven’t lost a child which I feel must be horrendous, and I am so sorry that you lost your darling daughter too soon.
I have however lost my husband and have kids of a similar age, and my husband died in March this year.
What I would say is that her husband is likely not coping at all. He is likely scared for the future, not only for him but for his 2 teenagers. And a huge part of that will be grieving for his lost future which he would have shared with your daughter , and the years he has looming ahead on his own without her as their children move away and start to build their own independent lives.
I am sure he appreciates the support you give them all - keep talking, keep sharing and yes Xmas is a dread we all have to face.
Keep her memory living on wherever you can.
Sending some love and strength - even if it is a bit late. Xx
Hi,
Thanks for yr message, I am very sorry for your loss, life is so cruel at times.
Our son in law seems to be coping but who knows what he’s like when he is on his own, no one knows. He did say he didn’t want anything to do with placing her ashes at the crematorium but he has got past that and is actually dealing with all the arrangements.
He does have a great group of friends who have really helped. They are always organising things for him and our grand daughter.
We also have a good group of friends who have been an absolute rock, especially for me. If I suddenly burst into tears they don’t make a big fuss which helps me to not dwell on things.
We were told at the hospice to take our time and not think at anytime that we should be over it by now, grief has no time limit it takes as long as it takes. They said the longer it takes the better. They find that people who say they have got thru it quickly generally haven’t and they go thru another grieving stage later which can sometimes be worse.
Someone my son in law met at the hospice and became friends with ( his wife in her early 50’s was dying of lung cancer) said a few weeks after she passed ( a week after our daughter) that he has got thru it and was moving on with his life but 6 months later he has not. He is in a mess and drinking a lot and doesn’t know what to do.
Take it slow and look after yourself, your health is important and you need to be there for your children.
Sending love and hugs to you and yours 