Loss of parents

I don’t know how these things work so please bare with me. 2 years ago I lost my dad through alcohol related health issues, although we knew that his lifestyle choice would be what would cause this it was still such a shock to receive the call. But having a mum that also had the same lifestyle choice, grief was put on the back burner as I had her to concentrate on if that makes sense? However in January of this year i lost her too to the same thing and now I am really struggling to function. I’m 25 and have just qualified as a registered nursing associate, but my heart is not in it being at work, initially I was ok as I had things to concentrate on like sorting out the house and being with my sister, so I returned to work a week after. But now lockdown has happened and I’m unable to be with my sister I am struggling badly, having breakdowns at work, and I just don’t know what to do, I feel silly for being off as it felt so long ago, but then again it’s not even three months! Any one else feel that they are being silly? I think it’s because I’m quite hard headed and don’t like to show emotion.

Hello Kweston94. I am so sorry you’re struggling. Although I can relate to your loss, it’s been some years since I lost my mum and my stepfather. I’ve also lost my brother in more recent years. However, the loss of my husband, coming up to 3 years ago, has overshadowed everything.

I am aware that the lockdown is affecting many bereaved people. I posted an article this morning which you may find helpful. You can find it under the thread entitled ‘Lockdown help for the Grieving’.

I hope you find help and comfort from this site. I know I have. It has also helped me to keep busy and going out to work has been the best thing for me. However, it’s also important to allow yourself to grieve. Sending you love and strength. Xx

Hi I too lost my mum on the 9th of January due to alcoholic related problems, it’s so sad, I struggle on a daily basis to come to terms with what happened to her and the state of mind she must have been in before she died. She hid alot from me and I didn’t know hugs was as bad as they where. I feel lots of guilt everyday. Lockdown has also magnified my grief, I’m sorry for your loss and take care.

I am much older than you, but I lost my parents in the last few years, and as an only child, it has been hell.
I cannot imagine what I would have done losing them at 25. Carry on with your life. You will find a man, and do not pooh-pooh, settling down. A career is not as important as having your own life and family. As you heal in grief, you will one day meet a wonderful someone, and you will carry on. Your mom and dad want only the best for you.

Dear Kweston94,
Silly? I don’t think so. You are grieving. Grief can do all sorts of strange things to our thoughts and emotions. January is not that long ago. I can imagine that when you lost your mum, not only did you have to cope with that, but also with the loss of your father because you write that your grief for him had to be put on the back burner when you had to concentrate on your mum. So you are now probably dealing with two losses, plus you had to deal with sorting out the house. My sisters and I had to do this in 2018 after we had lost both our parents within 2 years, and it was very emotional because it was only then that I realised that we were now in a sense ‘orphans’ and no longer had parents or a parental home to go to. With the lock-down now on top of everything else and not being able to be with your sister I think it is understandable that you find it hard to cope at work. Does your employer know about your situation? It would be good if you could get some support at work, or some time off if work is too much. How is your sister coping? Are you able to talk with her about how you feel? Do be kind to yourself. You’ve been through a lot. I hope that joining this site will help you too. There are so many people on here who have gone through painful losses and are wanting to support each other.

@Kweston94 hey, I am so sorry for your loss’. What an unbelievably heart breaking thing to go through at 25. I’m only two years older than you and lost my Dad 5 months ago. I still hadn’t returned to work before lockdown, so I don’t find it silly at all that you’re feeling like you need some time. You’ll be in shock still, and like you said will be dealing with some delayed grief for your Dad now too. You’ll be experiencing a lot of feelings and being in your position at work will be the reason you’re so strong willed - what a woman!
What helps me during lockdown is reading books about grief, going for walks and taking my Dad with me in his necklace of his ashes, journaling and coming on here. This website is full of wonderful people that neither deserve or want to be here. But if it’s support you need you’re in the right place.
Are you on your own, or is there anyone else with you keeping you company?

Thoughts are with you. Stay safe and go easy on yourself. Let it come how it needs to.
Steph x

1 Like

Thank-you. I’m sorry to hear about your dad lovely. I feel that I’m too much like my dad and have to be the marter, but iv finally come to realise I’m just human and its normal! I did my nursing because of my dad, I always told him I would become a nurse and he was always really proud of that. But working in an environment where I’m caring for patients like my parents has hit me hard now. Iv finally decided to take some time from work so won’t be returning for 3 weeks. I have a very supportive partner and his family are wonderful, but i don’t like to put it on them (I know they don’t mind, but I don’t like to bother others) iv started to go on long walks with the dog and finding that it helps.
I’m always guilty of telling others they need to look after themselves but never take my own advice!

I’m also a total Daddy’s girl, always have been. I find now that I’m getting older, I’m just turning into a mini Dad and that makes me so happy. I bet your Dad was so proud of you. Mine was the same - I was studying my Diploma in Counselling at Uni and Dad told me every visit how proud he was of me and how much he loved me too. Dads really are a treasure, not to minimise Mums too!
Taking some time off seems very reasonable. After the first month I was off I started feeling really guilty about being off so long/ worried about the repercussions about that. Now I don’t care… we’ve suffered real trauma that a lot of people our age have never had to face. When you break an arm, it takes 6 weeks to heal! Depending on the break, the person, how fast you heal… it’s all the same kinda idea.
I’m glad you have a partner too, mine has been my saving grace. Remember, love never dies and although it doesn’t really help, your parents will live in through you. Inbox is always open if you need to talk.
Sending love and stay safe!