It is 6 weeks since i lost my beloved partner, we had been together for 18 years but had known each other for over 50 years.
I am now twice widowed, my wife passed 30 years ago before the age social media, all i have is photos and memories of her, we had no children and i have little or no contact with her remaining family.
They all say its early days, but a light has gone out in my life, its an inner loneliness i feel that friends cannot fill.
I only find solace when i go to bed and i am sleeping a lot better now the funeral is over. The mornings are worse, shopping, buying for one sets me off.
My family told me not to open any cupboards where her things are, i find it too distressing, i cry whenever i talk about her to people as i hate talking about her in the past tense.
I have forgotten what bereavement was like first time around as i had a job and some structure to my life, being retired gives me too much time to dwell on things i could have done for her, but on reflection there is nothing i could do except be her carer.
Your story rings a bell to me. I am on my first bereavement with my wife dying at 49. I am hoping to have another 30 years on this planet with room for another relationship yet… Congratulations on getting through one bereavement. I am still at the stage I wish I had died with her. All the best
So sorry for your loss John
I lost my husband in September 2024 . I miss him dreadfully and struggle with living alone after 40 years living together. Please know that there are people here who understand
Kate xx
So sorry to hear of your losses John.
Grieving two losses must be awful.
I lost my wife 9 weeks ago and am devastated.
Like you I am retired so have plenty of time to dwell on things, so I try to keep myself occupied with lots of little jobs around thd house.
I intend moving back home to 
so need to declutter and decorate a bit.
It’s earlier for me and you, however I find the days are getting a little easier. Still hurts though.
Take care