Happy Bank holiday to you all . I wonder if anyone has any thoughts on an issue that I have been having. I lost my wife to Anorexia the eating disorder and the last 2 years of her life because she was so weak I was her carer . Since her death I have lost purpose in life and this maybe sounds selfish because I have a wonderful family around me . I get told it’s your life now do what you want but because I suppose I looked after her for so long I don’t know what my life looks like if this does not sound strange, any advice would be much appreciated
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I get told the same your life can be whatever you want it to be but right now like you i take my life being anything anymore on my own
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Hi Gazza11
This completely resonates with me. I lost my beloved partner suddenly 18 weeks ago, so in a slightly different situation as he wasn’t ill at all. He was retired and I’m partially retired so we spent an enormous amount of time together. Now I can’t help feeling ‘what is the point of me? anymore. Like you I have a wonderful son and wider family, and some very dear friends. I find it difficult to get motivated and whilst we can do anything we want to, I don’t want to do it without him. I guess this is early days for us so perhaps some sort of new life will develop over time. It’s just that I didn’t want a new life. I was perfectly happy with the old one.
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What a thoughtless thing to say to you, I am very early in my grief but I know exactly whet you mean, example : today i spent hours tidying the garden and all the time I kept thinking why am I bothering when it is just for me, David would have been full of compliments after my hard work and helped with the heavy tasks.
Our bedroom needs decorating, we had decided to do it before he died…again i cannot help thinking why bother it will just be me seeing it !!!.
I am thinking seriously about getting some counselling as my GP says it will be good to talk to a professional about my grief as they can offer more solutions than friends and family. Maybe you could try that. I am guessing you are still quite young.
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I have the same feelings. I always wanted to make the garden and the house nice for Derek, why bother when I’m here alone now. I picked apples today, we stewed them and put them in the freezer for winter breakfasts. Derek would always help me with the damaged ones if there were a lot to prepare. I had to do it myself, no-one to chat and joke with this year.
I know what you mean, listening to other people on here that lost their partners a long time ago it does get better and we wont always feel that life is pointless…so we better keep looking after our homes and gardens otherwise it’ll be a right mess when we do feel recovered enough to care !. There thats a reason to keep doing it.
Keep chatting on here as it helps you and others X
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I will penny6, I only found this platform today and already I can see how much help will be to me and if I can help anyone else it would be amazing! Especially the way I feel at the moment. x
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So sorry for your loss, it is normal for you to be feeling this way and you have also lost a role in your life and therefore a lack of purpose. I am 17mths further along and very slowly you do begin to find your feet and forge a new beginning, it all takes time, effort and motivation, day at a time until you feel ready to find yourself again. There is no timeline to grief but the intensity eases and you regain some physical and mental strength to start piecing your life together again and what this new life will look maybe look like. Don’t put yourself under any pressure just go with the flow. My husband died suddenly of a heart attack last year and I couldn’t get out of bed or dressed, fast forward to June this year and I went on a cruise and enjoyed myself, yes there were moments of sadness and missing him but I got to a point where grief was weighing me down and I just decided to let it all go while on holiday and it gave me a new perspective, for me it was either sink or swim and I decided to swim (excuse the pun as I was on a cruise lol).
I have now reached a place of peace with it all and am now embracing this new life that I never envisaged I would. Life goes on and so will yours when you are ready. Lyn
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Thank you LynT. Such kind and helpful words. Some days are good, some not so, I can even break it down to hours or minutes. Our vegetable patch is a mess, awful! I try to see reorganising it as a metaphor for my mind. It’s overgrown now and seems impossible to be what it used to be, if I can clear the plot I can make it grow again.
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You will know when you are ready to tackle it, sometimes we put added pressure on ourselves but there is no time limit, no rush, little goals here and there help to build us up and give us a purpose. Like you it will grow when the time is right
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