Loss of son

My beautiful, kind 28 year old son was taken from me on Sunday in a tragic accident. I cant begin to imagine life without him. My light has gone and I am left wandering in the dark. I dont know what to do.
S

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Dear @Susan94

Welcome to the Community. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son. Life can be so cruel and no child of any age should pass before their parents.

There is an amazing organisation called The Compassionate Friends that offer support for families who have lost a child of any age. They do have a UK National Helpline on 0345 123 2304 or you can email them at helpline@tcf.org.uk.

I would speak to your GP to see how they can support you and to see if there are any local Bereavement groups in your area. Sue Ryder have a Grief Self-Help Service which has useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

You can also connect with members who have experienced what you are going through on here by typing in the search bar Losing A Child. The support is incredible.

You are in the very early stages of grief and it will be an emotional rollercoaster ride. This is normal, so please be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. If you feel like crying, screaming or getting angry that is ok.

You are not alone, we are all here for you and please continue to reach out.

Take care.

Pepsi

Hi Pepsi,
Thank you so much for your support, it helps a great deal. It all feels very raw and unreal at the moment.
X

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Hi Susan - Very sorry to hear about your loss. My daughter died tragically in January, so I know a little bit about the shock and trauma in the early weeks. I felt and sometimes still feel absolutely overwhelmed with raw grief and and at first, anger and distress that my lovely girl is gone. I had never before felt some of the emotional pain that flooded in. It’s about six months now and I am better than I was, which feels like an achievement. In the very early days all that I could manage was to keep on keeping on putting one foot in front of the other. I contacted Compassionate Friends and they were fantastic, a real life line. They are truly compassionate and have supported me with a grief companion, a mum like me who lost her adult child. This website has helped a lot too. Talking to others who have lost a son or daughter helps because they ‘get it’. It’s a hard and painful journey and after six months and talking to others I know it’s a lifetimes journey. I have taken all the help I’ve been offered and I’m no longer crying all the time but calmer generally. The waves of pain are still there but I have learnt to function better and I’m less angry. I’m finding that yes, there are stages of grief but they don’t come in any order. I cope by taking each day as it comes. You are in the very early, often excruciating stage. It’s hard to believe what has happened and it seems bizarre that the world keeps turning when you have lost so much. There are no clever answers except for now just keeping on keeping on. Be kind to yourself if you can, no one wanted or expected to lose their own child and no one is prepared for it. Truly, honestly, things won’t feel as bad as they do know forever. I send you my very warmest wishes and you deserve to be enfolded in love right now. I hope you keep posting, you will get kindness, understanding and support here, it helps a bit. Xxxx

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Hi Nell,
I am so, so sorry that you have lost your daughter, it is a terrible tragedy to loose a child. I am glad that you are starting to feel a little better that is surely a big achievement and gives me some hope.
I am having a bad day today, so little energy and I just feel exhausted. I’m findong sleep helps.
Thank you again. Take care, sending love.
Sue xx

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Hi Sue,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely son. I also lost my son Andrew on March 20th this year…he was 38.
It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to cope with in my life. I called round to pick him up for our day out at a metal detecting rally and found him in his bed. He’d died in his sleep…I did CPR until the paramedics arrived but I knew it was too late.
Those first weeks were horrendous…I couldn’t bear to see people walking along the road…I just thought “Why are they still alive??” Nothing seemed fair in life…he was such a lovely person and we were so close. I screamed at my partner, I couldn’t tolerate talking to my 91 year old mother…I just couldn’t face the world.
We had his funeral…a celebration of his life on 22nd April. It was amazing…so many people, he had so many friends who loved him.
Since then I still hear from his close friends. I’ve had wonderful support from my family,partner, mother ,friends and even my ex husband…Andrew’s dad.
I just want to let you know that things do get easier.
I don’t cry all the time now…yes… I cried today but it was a healing cry.
I sit in my mothers garden and talk with her…I don’t get annoyed if she says something without thinking, we laugh together and talk about Andrew. She’s 91…I don’t want her last years to be filled with sorrow.
I’ve been to the coast with my partner. Seeing young men that remind me of Andrew doesn’t upset me now the way it did in the beginning.
If anyone ( and I suppose people did,) had told me I’d be coping with life as I am now I wouldn’t have thought it possible.
I love Andrew so much and miss him…he was such a massive part of my life but I know I must still live my life. I talk about him to everyone…he’ll always be a part of my life.
I hope this helps you a little. I’m sorry if I’ve waffled on a lot…I want you to know that you will carry on…it will take time some take longer than others but you will have brighter days and you will smile again.
Losing a child is the worst thing in the world and all of us on this site support each other. Everyone is amazing…all at different stages but we all share the same grief. I hope you find some comfort in talking to us all.
Love and hugs…Sue xxxx

Hi Sue,
Thanks for your kind message and I am so sorry for your loss in such tragic circumstances.
I fully understand the initial emotions you talk about and your message gives me hope that life can go on despite such tragedy.
I’m having a very bleak day today, I just want to hide away and remember my son.
Thank you again for your kind words. I hope you are well.
Sue xxx

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Hi,
I seem to find this time of the day particularly difficult when I feel overcome with crippling sadness and hoplessness at the loss of my precious son. My shining star, my light has gone. I feel so lost and cant accept the finality of it, that I will never see him again. Any suggestions?
Xx

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Hi Sue,
Well I hate to confess that at this time in the evening I usually pour myself a large gin and diet coke. I’ve also been watching Heartbeat every night at 7pm. It’s just enough to take the edge off the sadness.
I have been taking sertraline for a few weeks…I’ve never felt the need for antidepressants before losing Andrew. Every problem in life had a solution or could be sorted but there is no answer to losing a child is there?
I was sitting in my garden earlier when I heard my neighbour pulling her bin down her drive. I always knew Andrew had come round when I heard him pull our bin to block the gap between my garage and conservatory to stop his dog escaping the garden. It brought the tears to my eyes…just knowing he’ll never do that again.
It’s 4 months now since Andrew died and I am finding it easier to cope although the tears are never far away.
I look at his photos,I listen to his voice on videos and talk about him all the time. I know I’ll never see him again but he’ll always be part of my life.
Just take each day one at a time Sue…take any help that’s offered and you will smile again one day when you think of your son instead of always crying.
Love and hugs to you…Sue xxxx

Hi Sue,
Thanks for your lovely message , it’s nice to know that you can now smile again and that I will smile again. I know what you mean about things triggering memories like your neighbour moving the bins, I have been having that a lot.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Hugs and love to you xxx

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