In February 2022 I lost my 25 year old son Liam to a very rare nasal cancer. He had only been diagnosed in May 2021 and had to go through his diagnosis in hospital alone due to COVID restrictions. He was immediately put on a high dose of steroids to try and reduce the tumour which caused his weight to increase dramatically. He had to undergo the second most aggressive chemo available,which gave him seizures and his blood glucose levels rocketed causing type 2 diabetes. He was also diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism in both lungs. He was accepted by the Proton Beam Therapy Centre in Manchester in August 2021 and we spent seven weeks there whilst he had more gruelling treatment.
When we came home in November 2021 the scan showed that the tumour was finally reducing. Liam had a reasonable Christmas that year, although we knew it could be his last. It was. In January 2022 the headaches and nosebleeds began again and Liam took to his bed. He was scanned and told the tumour was increasing in size and, by that time, he’d lost the sight in his left eye.
He went into the local hospice on February 14 2022 and died on February 27 2022.
This is the second Christmas without him and, to be honest, I don’t feel any better/calmer or whatever I’m supposed to feel. I had six months of counselling after He died which I thought had helped. Now I 'm not so sure. He should be here enjoying his life and achieving his ambition to be a physiotherapist. I wish I could have done more for him but COVID got in the way.
Paramedics, doctors, nurses and friends said I was amazing but how when he’s no longer here???
Hello @Tina96,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your son Liam. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Oh Tina, my heart goes out to you. I lost my son a year ago, we’ve just past the first anniversary, such an awful time full of sleepless nights, nightmares and floods of tears.
I try to be brave and like many put ‘ my mask on’ but in private I’m in pieces. He left young children and I have a daughter with two more grandchildren, they are what keep
me going.
Your last line really relates to me too, people say you’re brave, but inside you feel guilty, he was my son and I couldn’t save him, that was my job, if only it could have been me x
I wish you and every other grieving parent on here, the best Christmas possible. I will be with my daughter and the grandchildren who will wear me out and keep me busy xxx
Hi i find myself in this group as lost my son to a brain tumour 6months ago after a courageous battle for 4 and a half years.He was my world my best friend i am heartbroken and miss him so very much x
You must be devastated. I can’t say time will be a healer but you will learn how to cope with your loss. I still have good days and bad days but I am learning to accept them both. There are many people here who understand your pain, myself included. Thinking of you 
Thank you. x
I’m sorry to hear you’ve lost your son, it’s a very painful road we walk as parents who have lost a child.
Thank you x
Thank you 