I recently lost my best mate, soulmate friend and partner…
We had know each other for 16yrs and been together for 10 of them16 wonderful yrs…
He was my rock on many accessions and picked me up off the floor when i needed it …
He was the only person in this world that really knew me.
Even tho we were a couple no one on my side of the family and friends know im gay…
This week has been so so hard as we had his service on Tuesday, i feel so empty and aline sometimes…
I do have his family to talk to but they live miles away…
I just dont know what to do sometimes, like now while the football is on tv, he would be looking at me over his glasses while reading his book, as he wasn’t a sport man…
Finding it really difficult at the minute…
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I am so sorry for you loss. Losing a partner, a soul mate, your other half, is soul crushing. You are among like-minded and lost people here. We are all grieving someone we love and can never replace. We are all grieving the loss of our future, the loss of being a couple.
Take each day hour by hour. That is how I make it. Yes, empty is normal, as is numb, sad, tired, forgetful, confused, anxious, depressed, sleepless and feeling physical pain in the chest. We have your back.
It is difficult times. You will make it. We all will. In the meanwhile, we just survive.
Much love.
It’s been a year and a bit since my wonderful partner died and I’ve never experienced grief or loneliness like it. My family and friends (nearly all straight) knew Mal but after about 6 months or so all the support and attention I got from them tailed off as not surprisingly they have their own lives to get on with.
So now I’m left with just my memories and my feeble attempts to keep doing things alone. It’s crossed my mind on numerous occasions “what’s the point?” but always the answer comes back because Mal wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer or give up. That’s it in a nutshell really - what would your partner have wanted for you and the answer is usually “the best” whatever that may be for you. So hang in there and use this site for support, we are here for you.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Onmyown. My husband Graeme died in February from a rare young onset dementia. We were together 44 year and I was his sole carer for the last 8 years. He never lost his kind personality. Even after he couldn’t communicate verbally any more he always had a smile and a wink for me. We were our own little family of 2, often the way with gay couples I think, and self sufficient just needing each other. What I miss most of all is just doing nothing together, just knowing the other is there. It is so hard to get past his death and the illness years to those so many years when he was fine. We need to get to the stage of remembering with more love than pain but I haven’t learnt that trick yet. Still getting through that ‘year of firsts’. Wishing you much love.
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