Hello.
I have had the worst few months of my life seeing my beautiful wife go from a healthy lady to passing away in less than four months. Starting with feeling dizzy and balance problems with constant headache with doctors mis diagnosis of labyrinthitis before ct scans showed a huge tumour.in the back of the brain near the spine. My wife had a major operation to remove as much of the tumour as the surgeon could. But it was found to be a secondary cancer which eventually found to have started in the colon near the rectum which was the primary. Within a few weeks of the operation two new brain tumours had started to grow so I brought my lovely lady home to nurse her in the final weeks of her life. Now she has gone I’m devastated and heart broken and still in total shock in seeing my wife deteriorate in from of me and our two daughters. I’m so glad I brought my wife home though as I could not stand to see her all alone in an hospice with only a 1 hour visiting time. Not especially as she was only 50 years old. I was lucky to be holding her hand when she passed away. It was the funeral yesterday and it feels so surreal like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. The lock down is just making life more unbearable and I’m missing the warmth and comfort of the love of my life. Until you go through anything like this people really don’t know just how hard and life changing it is. It feels like I’ve had my future stolen from me and our two daughters. 
Dear jc1959
I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain you are having to bear as a family.
I lost my younger son Henry in October 2019, he was thirty.
I meditate using the Headspace app - personally I’ve found it brilliant- there are other apps out there. I’ve never meditated before and I wasn’t very hopeful but it’s managed to calm the feelings when they overcome me.
I understand the physical pain, lack of sleep, feelings of absolute desolation. For me, these are as bad as the day Henry died but the gaps between the bad days are getting longer. Take each hour at a time.
I think of Henry every day, I cope by thinking it’s just today I’m not seeing him. Every day that passes, on the one hand takes me further from him, yet every day also brings me closer to seeing him again. I was fortunate to have him and our love binds us.
Love and hugs to you and your family and keep posting-so much support here.
Purple
Thank you for your kind words.
And I’m very sorry for your sad loss
JC
i lost my husband 7 weeks ago to bowel cancer in Dec had 2 colonoscopy’s to which we were informed on checking for results 3 weeks later nothing sinister on there but polpys were been tested we never received any results. In feb starting losing weight sent for x rays in march and ct scans. Our Dr phoned us and asked if we had the results from CT Scan to which we had not heard from hospital, that was a Wed, our dr informed us he had bowel cancer which had spread to his liver and the hospital were putting a treatment plan in place a operation then cemo, on the thursday his bowel ruptured and he died on the Saturday all very quick. We decided to bring him home he wanted that so like you i was able to hold his hand with my family and say our goodbyes. I don’t believe its good bye i feel his presence around me. Lock down makes our situation worst it came into force 3 days after Mick passed i have my son living with me age 26 and a daughter 24 with our grandchild 2, my daughter went home 2 weeks ago i feel your pain its so heartbreaking
Hi. I lost my husband 11wks ago and I still don’t know how I will cope. I am now living in our house which we had only recently finished, on my own. He died 6wks after going to the GP with a persistent headache only to be told 6 hrs later he had terminal Brain, Stomach and Lung cancer. He was fine before that. He went downhill so quickly and his brain tumour altered his personality and memory to, it was like he had dementia. The Covid 19 has not helped any of us as just when you need a hug and friends and family around you, you can’t have them. I go up and down like a rollercoaster and just when I think I’m on my way up I’m back down . I miss him and I miss all my family and friends too it’s like a double whammy. I have been told time is a good healer but not so far. You are not alone x
So sorry to here about your husband. I lost mine 11weeks ago. I still can’t believe it. We were only together 11yrs. He was 64. I agree the Covid is making things so much worse. Take comfort in the fact you are not in te house on your own as I am and it is so hard. We did everything together and now he’s gone 
. Sending hugs
Hi. Thank you for your reply. Not used to anything like this, but your story is also truly heartbreaking too. I just want the pain to go away. Also it was only 7 months ago I lost my mum to dementia so losing Tracey my wife as well so quickly after that has really knocked all the life out of me.
Best wishes jc
Hi. Thank you for your kind words. You also have had a heartbreaking time and as I am finding out there is no quick fix. The pain and sadness is unreal.
Best wishes jc
jc1959,
You poor soul, it has been said before on this wonderful forum, that we wish there was a grief pill which we could take to ease this horrendous pain which we are all suffering from. I am so sorry that you are suffering so much from the loss of your wife, Tracey, I wish I could say something to help you through this agony, she was so young too. Nobody deserves to suffer from such a bad condition but when they are so young it makes the tragedy even more heart rending.
Take good care of yourself,
MaryL
Thank you Mary.
The grief has made me very poorly both physically and mentally, sleep, eating and socialising go out of the window. but hopefully I will come this this nightmare.
Best wishes.
Jerome
I think we have to get through these night mares although it seems never ending roller coaster of emotions I find it’s gets harder I think it’s just sinking in after 3 months hopefully we will all get through this heart break
Hi kim5
Yes it’s so surreal at the moment. I keep thinking Tracey will walk through the door any moment, then it hits you again. The pain and sadness. Sorry to hear of your loss. Like you this is a forum I thought I’d never be on.
Regards,
Jerome
I can understand, Jerome, that the grief from losing Tracey, it affects us physically and mentally. I have multiple health problems, they have escalated since Stan died.
My very best wishes to you,
Mary