Loss of wife

My wife died on her 60th birthday a goal which she wanted to achieve after been diagnosed with lung cancer 2yrs previous. During that 2yrs we managed to talk and reminisce and we had no regrets over anything.
We had travelled extensively over the years and shared our memories. Grief comes over me in waves as many people have said it does.
We were fortunate to have the 2yrs I know alot of people don’t have that.
My daughter is struggling with the loss of her mum and I’m finding it difficult to say things which may try and ease her pain a little.


Hello Cnr,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. Keep talking with your daughter, maybe share your favourite memories and ask what hers are? Grief is different for everyone, but keep being there for each other, you are doing great.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care, Rhi

I am so sorry for you and your daughter.
I know you said that you had two years after diagnosis with your wife but the loss of her still comes as a terrible shock.
This journey of grief is so very hard. Some days are o.k and some are not.
I am trying to be kind to myself and go with how I feel but not sure if it is good for me as most days I spend alone at home.
It must be very hard and difficult for your daughter too. At least you have each other and are able to share your grief and memories.
It sounds like you had a lovely life together and shared many happy times.
Sending love and strength to you xx

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Hi Cnr,
Can I first start by saying how sorry Iam to read about the loss of your beloved wife. 60 is no age. The pain you feel is dreadful and real.
It was good to hear you had many years together and I’m sure you will treasure the last 2 years after her diagnosis to say goodbye to her.
My heart goes out to you. I always feel so very sad for all who have lost long term partners…but especially men in your situation as it is close to my own experience.
Take care of yourself my friend and I wish everything good for you and your daughter.

Thank you for the message. There is no book to tell you how to cope with the grief. At the moment I go to the gym most mornings where we were members for 20yrs so can chat to friends about Carolyn. Where as my daughter doesn’t have that luxury, however, yesterday she went to Maggies and today she’s having a call with the hospice counsellor, hopefully it’s a start for her.
Just back from the gym this morning and talking to a man who was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer last year, he’s had a kidney removed and fortunately it hasn’t spread. Everywhere you turn nowadays somebody has cancer or knows someone.
For me some comfort is Carolyn died on her 60th birthday a goal which she wanted to achieve from been diagnosed. I suppose also we had 2yrs to prepare, even that’s not long enough, but I’m lucky because some people don’t even get that.
I hope you’re coping with your loss, we experience grief in different ways, please feel free to message if I can impart any of my feelings which may help you.

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