Loss over a year on - does it get easier?

Losing a parent
#1

I lost my step-dad just over a year ago now. I am 28 and my little one was only 8 months at the time.

He’s been in my life since before I can remember so I have always seen him at my Dad, he’s been there for me for everything.

He was in bad health for a number of years but we always said he’d end up out living all of us as nothing seemed to knock him for long.

He was put on end of life and lasted around 7 weeks. I was on maternity leave and it was so difficult to juggle being a new Mum, visiting the care home and then deal with the loss. My husband had the day off the day he passed and was back at work the day after. I went back to work a couple months later and I still feel like I’ve not had time to grieve. I went straight back to Mum mode the day after as I had no choice. My new mum friends offered more support then my life long school friends who actually knew him.

When it was his one year anniversary I completely broke down. I work in Wills and Probate and I had an appointment for an end of life client needing a Will. I just couldn’t deal with it in that moment and my boss wasn’t very supportive. I was basically told deal with your grief or you won’t be able to do your job. Great so I’m dealing with complete heart ache and now I’m worried about my job? Very helpful.

We are all human and all need our moments.

Not entirely sure of the purpose of this post. I feel like everyone else is ok and dealt with his loss but I could cry every moment I think of him and I think about him every single day. My Mum has moved on and has been dating, I’m happy for her but I just don’t want to know about it.

Does grief really get easier? When does the emotions and heartache get easier? It still feels like last week for me. I’m desperate for a cuddle from him and to just talk to him.

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#2

Hello @Ellie23, thank you for reaching out. I hope you find the community to be a support to you, but I’m so sorry for the loss of your step-dad that brings you here.

There is no timeline for how long grief lasts, or how you should feel after a particular time. A year on, it may still feel as if everything happened yesterday, or it may feel like it all happened a lifetime ago. These are some of the feelings you might have when you are coping with grief longer-term.

You may wish to read our support page called How long does grief last?

You may also want to take a look at our other resources:

Hopefully someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to share these links with you.

Take good care - you are not alone.

Seaneen

#3

Hi, sorry you have found things difficult as you grieve for your loss. I don’t think there’s any real end or closure to grief. It’s more a case of adapting and becoming used to the absence. Then there’ll still be things that trigger an emotional response. I’m guessing your boss might not have ever suffered a devastating loss because I can’t imagine anyone could be so unsympathetic if they had! It’s completely understandable that there might be some occasions when you feel overwhelmed, especially in your line of work. What you’re feeling is completely normal, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Best wishes, take care xx

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