Loss with addiction

My mum passed away on the 3rd august alone in her house, due to her struggles with alcohol addiction, I did everything to try and help her, even taking in my 13 year old sister I’m 29. Packing up her old house to a new one unpacking her new place while I had 5month old plus 5year old with diabetes sorted everything for her and After all the lies I told her I was done, I wasn’t really I was just annoyed and waiting few weeks before seeing her again but within that time she passed away an I never got to see her again an tell her I loved her, because I knew she loved me an missed me but thought maybe she’d then stop with the lies she was only 48 an had so much to live for, I miss her so much and can’t handle the loss, she meant the world to me and I’m hating myself for not speaking to her and telling her how much I loved her

Hi boyd, so sorry to hear about your mum, you have been through a lot with having to look after your sister and your own little family, life is so cruel sometimes, I lost my mum in July this year after caring for her at home for 6 weeks, I still feel guilty, angry and lost as I miss my mum so much, try not to be too hard on yourself you did the best you could for her at the time, its going to take a long time for all of us that have lost a loved one , having to come to terms with them not being here for me at the moment is to much to take in, this forum is really good and you feel like your not on your own going on this journey, there is always someone to chat to who can relate to how you feel, I know I will never be the same person again, but I take one day at a time, my daughters are supportive, I cry every day for my mum, as I loved her so much, I’m waiting for counselling with cruse to see if that helps, there is counselling on here too if you wish to take it, take a day at a time, keep messaging on here and look after yourself, thinking of you
Lynn x

Saying hi to you both. Yes, when we loss a special person we change and will never be the same. You both are at the start of a journey that neither of you wanted to do and it is hard. Take tiny steps on this journey and don’t expect to feel fine tomorrow but you may feel that you are improving. Counselling helps because you can talk about your special person and friends don’t want to hear. Take what ever help is offered.
Look after yourselves and take care. S xx

Thank you, it was just so sudden she was only 48 she should of had loads more time, she was addicted to alcohol cause by mentally abusive relationship, I just wish she was stronger and over came it and we had the happy out come but I do know how extremely hard addiction can be to over come, I’m just heartbroken and trying to act strong for everyone else being the oldest sibling, I do have my partner who is helping me, just kills me that I fall out with her an she died alone an maybe scared an I fall out with her only to see if it would help her as I’d tired everything else was my last option and now being the worst thing I ever did