It has only been 10 days since my husband died and i haven’t even had the funeral yet and i just dont know what to do with myself he was my soulmate and we had so much more to do with our life as he was so young please help xx
Hi Vicky im very sorry for your loss.Do you have family members who you can emotionally lean on ? take it day by day do what has to be done each day otherwise just do nothing .Your nightmare is very very new (im. 7 months into my nightmare ) have you seen your gp? re medication .You need to sleep my doc prescribed sleeping pills at the begining .Your brain needs to rest because the nightmare will still be there when you wake up .I dont mean to offend if i have im very sorry massive friendship hug Colin (57)
Hi Vicky,
I am so sorry to hear about your heartbreak. Colin’s wise words say what I was going to say…take everything day by day and if you are fortunate to have supportive family and friends, people you can trust, then don’t be afraid of turning to them for support. I don’t know what else to recommend to you? There is a Cruse Helpline to talk to Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday until 8 pm (I think) and the rest of the week between 9 and 5 (number is 0808 807 1677) you can off load to them…don’t be afraid of the tears. or is there a group close to you that you can contact?
Take things easy
David
I feel for you very very much.it is I t is incredible pain isn’t it.i have just lost my beloved daughter in October from cancer.she lived with me all her life.the pain is purgatory so I know some of what you are going through.its just me and my granddaughter now .she lives with me and she is only eighteen.so young to lose her mum.we feel such a heart wrenching loss and void it’s heart wrenching pain.i have taken two overdoses.because I couldn’t stand the pain of of the loss of her .tears in my eyes writing this to you.all my sympathy to one who knows.annette.xx
Hi annette12,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved daughter and for all the pain you and your granddaughter are suffering.
I am concerned to read that you have taken two overdoses - did you get medical treatment when this happened and have you been referred to any sort of support?
If not, please tell your GP what happened and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your area.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
You deserve care and support so please, Annette, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself again, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
I hope that it is helpful to talk about your feelings here on the community and talk to others who have lost a loved one. You may be interested to talk to Tomsmum, who lost her son in September: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/i-need-talk-about-my-son#post-4122
Hello Annette
I honestly don’t know how it feels to lose a child but I do feel for you and the pain you are in. I lost Helen, my wife, in September and everyday is a roller coaster of emotions - I am not crying on my knees, for what felt like hours, as I did in the first few weeks but every day there are tears and here I surprise myself, some have a small smile, not of happiness but of fondness for something Helen did or said. I don’t expect that you think this is possible for you, and we all grieve in our own way I know, but it happens. The intensity of your pain shows the strength of the love you both had for each other.
How is your granddaughter? I imagine if you are feeling so bad for the loss of your daughter, she is for the loss of her mother - eighteen is still quite an emotionally vulnerable age however “grown up” the eighteen year old might appear to be. As said above we all grieve in our own way but I hope you and your granddaughter can share what you are both feeling, and remember the good times too. Please, please take Priscilla’s good advice, I don’t think your granddaughter wants to lose her grandmother as well as her mum. However useless I feel at present, and however guilty at feeling I did not appreciate and love Helen as she truly deserved, I do not think my son Luke would want me gone too.
There are others on this site who will know exactly how you feel and we all feel your pain, keep posting, let us know how you are, in the meantime warmest wishes, and take care of yourself.
Alan
Sorry Alan for not replying earlier to you.i am also still crying a lot.i am on meds.and I am being supervised by pyshiatric nurses.cant spell .phyciatric
Hi Priscilla sorry for not replying forthwith.i am being supervised by physciatric nurses and I also am receiving bereavement counselling .Many thanks for your concern.annette
Hi Annette,
I am so sorry that you are in such difficulty. The night times always seem the worse, I think. I am also on medication for my depression state and anxiety.I was on Citalopram, which did not touch the sides. Then the Psychiatrist changed my meds and put me on a dose of Mertazapine. still not used to it yet. At least I don’t have to worry about using Zipaclone a sleeping pill, that can be psychologically addictive. the Mirtazapine seems to have the effect of making me drowsey, since they have to be taken at night but gives me horrible nightmares. I have had ZaZa Gabor and even Christopher Biggins (don’t ask…) both chasing after me telling me that I am going to be their next husband/partner (no wonder I wake up in a sweat of terror). Silly things aside though I still feel wretched either by the meds or the depression anxiety state combined with grieving and the uncertainty of the future or all of the aforementioned. I am breaking down at a drop of a pin …blubbing away in public even.
Christmas does not make things easier. The crowds and the hustle and bustle of getting things done only makes me withdraw into myself further. I wish I could do something practical for you. Please take things easy. and that I hope things go gently for you.
Regards
David
Hi Vicky
I am truly sorry for your loss, condolences.
As Colin said, one day at a time.
In between sobbing my heart out at first I was on autopilot, everything was a blur really. I was there, but not engaged, not really present.
It helped me distract myself from grief arranging the funeral and reception and writing an obituary. I wanted to do those things and have some control again. It is a bittersweet experience though trying to arrange a fitting send off for the loved one you have just lost.
Have you called CRUSE yet, I would recommend that you call them.
Try and look after yourself.
Warm wishes
Gemma
Hi David .I am also on mirtrapazine also.but it seems to have little effect on me.apart from giving me bad dreams .Feel real anger about my beloved daughter.she died of a result of medical misdiagnosis which is in the hands of solicitors.really most tragic thing of all David is the professor’s report is that if she had been diagnosed properly she would still be alive today.i don’t know how to deal with my anger.annette.xxx
Rage! let rip if you need to…go somewhere safe on your own and get hold of something soft and kick or rip the living daylights out of it if helps you…Anger is a normal part of grief especially with such a loss as yours…I don’t know what to say that will help take the anger away, there again you have a right to be angry over this misdiagnoses. I would be apoplectic with rage if this happened to me.
My mother had to spend her last few days in hospital because I was too weak to cope with her last days. worse thing I could have done, since she was dumped in a side room…she was not washed, feed or washed properly and she was in additional pain since she was left in the same incontinence pads that she was waring while at home and even incurred a few blisters…I complained to the staff nurse politely about it but the reaction seemed to be “so what”? that got my hackles up and made it plain that I was far from happy, the nurse got very defensive and confrontational…I reported it to the hospital…but nothing will be done. I am angry with myself over this…also the unfairness of it all. I get angry, in myself over happy couples and friends…I resent this since I am excluded from such things…I get angry that in my world there are a lot of nasty characters…they get away with all sorts of things…they have never losed anyone close…then there is a load of us on this site who are bereft through grief. My grief and anger is superficial in comparison with the loss and the rawness that you must be feeling now…is there any way you can get support for this?
Take good care
Regards
David