loss

recently lost my husband and am not coping how do you cope with the sense of loss

Hi kc im very sorry for your loss .My advice is this 1take it day by day 2 go see your gp and get medication to help you through the day and to sleep (im on medication got addictive meds on short term then gp took me off and put me on non addictive .I see my gp once a month ) ask gp about Cruse bereavement councilling (some areas theres a long waiting list.Phone the samaritains (i do they help me ) .If you have family or friends lean on them for help .Some people on here have gone to stay with family for a break .Give yourself some me time because your nightmare will still be there when you return to reality .Keep coming back here ask questions offload .This special club will not tell you off or tell you to go away .Iand others take and send private messages nobody takes offence on here .Ihope ive ive helped .Theres also Priscilla you can private message her .Dont be a stranger on here Colin (im 57 my wife was 41 she passed 04032016 on her birthday )

thank you colon i have a very good family support could not cope with out them .my hubby only passed 7 weeks ago and its all very raw at the moment i just cant cope with the emptiness the huge void thats been left i get up each day and cope with that then do the same the next day just feel lost

sorry colin

Hello k.c. and welcome to our Online Community. I am so sorry that your dear husband died last month - you are probably still feeling rather numb and that your life has become unreal.
I want to assure you that you are not alone - I see that another member has replied to you, so I hope this will help you. Please don’t think too far ahead at the moment - try and be kind to yourself, and talk to family and friends about how you are feeling.
I will be thinking of you, and hope you manage to get all the support you need. With kind regards, Jackie

thanks jackie

Dear k.c
My husband passed nearly six weeks ago suddenly. It is hard. I am now a different person from the one before. I will never ever be the same again. I know Phil is with me and I talk to him all the time and he pops things into my head. I find I can cry at any moment wherever I am although I have not gone out much since he passed. I have not been able to look at recordings of him singing, cant look through photos or touch his clothes but I have looked on many sites and for some people it takes years to be able to move anything. I will think of Phil from my first thought in the morning until I go to bed at night. Even when I go back to work next week he will be on my mind constantly. Work does not have the same meaning anymore and I have asked to go down to 4 days but if they cannot accommodate that I will look for another job. I have to learn to adjust because I have children and grandchildren and they would not be thinking other thoughts although I have often wanted to be with him as it is such a strain. The house holds so many memories as we have lived in this house since 1982 just after we married. I will always talk of Phil as still being here and not in the past tense. I have just given my grandson a card for his 8th birthday and said it was from Nanny and Gaga (Gaga sends his love) and our Jayden was like awwww thanks Nan and thanks Gaga. He is always around us and he will hear us. This is until we meet again. I dont think we will ever get over it we just adjust although saying that some days Ive felt that I am on the edge of a cliff waiting to fall off. My thoughts are with you because grief is full of extreme emotions. Like somewhere I’ve read one minute you are standing and then the next a wave comes and takes you off for your feet. Just take each minute of each day as it comes. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to conform.

i feel exactly the same colleen dont even want to be here sometimes but i have to keep going for my son he has adult learning difficulties . i am defiantly not the same person i was before the love of my life passed people dont like that side of you work for me was an absolute nightmare the dr put me on the sick. he is still my every waking thought as is with me always even in my dreams i miss him so much cant even function some days .the other thing i am fed up with is people telling me to be strong . i dont feel strong .i have been married 30 years together 31 its nice to talk to someone who understands

Hi k.c
Totally understand where you are coming from. My son is still on sick leave and I think he will be for a while. I think because I am in the house and can feel Phil all around me and see the memories we had together I cant cope. I dont mind Phil being around me because I know he always will be whispering in my ear telling me what to do but its just the looking at his clothes and knowing I am not going to touch them yet. Having to turn photos away from me because they bring back all kinds of memories. Going into the freezer and finding the portions of meat he had put in little bags for our tea. Thats what started me off tonight when I seen them. We have been married for just over 35 years and we loved being together when I wasnt in work. Your husband will still be in your every waking thoughts and in your dreams because I dont feel that love like ours can mean that when a loved one passes they are gone and thats it. I can feel Phil’s arms around me from the back me and a Pyschic has also told me that and a lot more as well. I will continue to talk to him in the present tense and I talk to the grandkids like he is here. It was our Jayden’s 8th birthday today and I gave him a card from Nanny and Gaga (Gaga sends you love) as if he was still around. I will always keep his memory alive. The grandkids miss him and we think the younger ones talk to him. Your like me and you probably feel all mixed up with different emotions running through you all the time. I hated sorting the bills out taking Phil’s name off everything like he was a nothing but I did lots of crying over that too. k.c life will never ever be the same again. I try and find comfort from either Groups on Facebook or anything I can find on the internet. If it helps me for a minute I dont mind. I am always available for a chat on Messenger or on here. If I dont come back straightaway I am probably either back in work or doing something on the internet. I will come back to you as soon as I can. You should try and get whatever help is available too. I am going back on a phased return but I think my boss is frighened I will hand my notice in. You do whatever gets you and your son through. Its our lives not anyone else’s except for our other halves and thats what they are that’s why it is so heartbreaking. Keep in touch and take care xx

thank you colleen take care i am karen

No problems Karen. You take care too x

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