I’m sorry this post is long, and i’m sorry if I come across as ‘woe is me’ but
I’ve lost 5 family member in less than the past 2 years and I just can’t snap out of depression.
My much loved Aunt died on March 8th 2017. We knew it was coming but didn’t make it any easier. At the same time I was with my Father every day as he too was dying. He passed 15 days after my Aunt on March 21st. He died on the Tues, I sorted his funeral on the Wednesday and then attended her funeral on the Friday.
I managed to get a 15 month break, but in that time I was dealing with my Stepmother who my father had left behind. She wasn’t the nicest woman and had me running ragged. I never had chance to grieve for Dad or my Aunt. Then she herself died on 27 June last year. I feel so selfish in that I was relieved I didn’t have to deal with her anymore.
Two months later I lost a cousin. I didn’t see him but he would phone me often and was wonderful when Dad died. Dad had helped bring him up so they had been close. Now they were both gone.
Then on Dec 2nd last year I lost another cousin. The daughter of my Aunt who’d died. She was just 18months older than me and had been battling cancer for a long time. She was more than a cousin to me, she was the big sister I never had.
I saw her the week before and we both knew it would be the last time. But for me, I can’t get past any of it.
I just don’t see the point in life anymore. What is the point when we’re just going to die anyway? I feel selfish for being buried in depression when I’m actually still alive. My cousin told me ‘go live your life’ but I can’t, my brain won’t let me and I feel so bad for that. I’m alive and she isn’t, I can live, she can’t. Loosing her has been the final straw for me and I just don’t know where to start with dealing with it all.
I’m not suicidal I have a wonderful family who I couldn’t bare to leave, but I just can’t function anymore. I’m crippled with it all. Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you for reading.
Oh heaven’s you’ve had a run of it. I’ve gone through similar but over a longer time frame (lost two close friends (one took his own life, the other cancer) then lost both parents within a year of each other about 10 years ago, a close friend took his own life 2 years ago, closely followed by my best friend dying of cancer) - it sucks.
I sometimes don’t see the point of continuing, but then I remember I have a wonderful husband and lots of other friends around me. I also know that my parents and friends would be tell me to enjoy life whilst I can.
Actually as I’m writing this I’m really struggling with stuff and having to force myself to carry on. I find getting out of the house into the countryside helps (I have a dog who NEEDS walking, so that helps), and also I try to remind myself that it’s totally okay to feel rubbish, and sometimes having a ‘duvet day’ is okay too - I did that yesterday.
Remember what your cousin said - ‘go live your life’ - but don’t beat up on yourself if sometimes you don’t feel like it - just take each day at a time.
I hope things improve for you, have you seen a bereavement counsellor? I see someone and it does help, even if sometimes we don’t even talk about bereavement!!
I know what u mean. In December 2017 I lost my best friend to secondary breast cancer. It was so quick we never had time to prepare. Then again no amount of time will ever prepare you for it. To be told she was cancer free then in the space of 8 weeks to be told she had secondary cancer and had 6-12 months to live . She only survived 2 weeks after diagnosis
Then 3 months later I lost my dad to prostrate cancer in March 2018. Even though we knew it was going to happen soon as he fought it for 20 years it was still unbearable. Then in October I lost my dog to cancer too. Life just sucks just now. I get what u mean when u can’t be bothered with life etc. I just can’t seem to accept what has happened. I feel like I never will. They all should be with me next year when I get married and it’s tearing me up inside knowing they won’t.
Sorry for such a long post xx
Bless you. Such an unbearable time. I lost my husband last week, it’s the funeral on Monday. I also can’t be bothered much anymore. The only reason I’ve done anything at all since last week is because I’ve had to in order to organise what’s to come on Monday.
I’m sat here now wondering how on earth I can deal with all the things I have to do after Monday but, more importantly, I’m wondering how on earth I can go on without him.
Empty. That’s the only word I can come up with to begin to describe how I feel.
I’m sorry nothing I’ve written will help you and your pain xxx
I think of everyone on this site a lot,but special thoughts will be coming your way tomorrow.Keep in touch with us all,we understand the pain you are going through.Much love,Corinna xx
I am so sorry to hear your news, I too am struggling I lost my husband of 48 years in December 2015, I lost one of my dogs in August 2017 aged 5, I lost my other dog in August 2017. Then in November 2017 I lost my eldest daughter aged 49.
In August last year I found out that my other daughters husband was diagnosed with bone marrow cancer ( my husband, one of my dogs and my daughter all passed with cancer). When my son-in-law was diagnosed with his cancer he was told that if he had left it one more week they wouldn’t have been able to treat him. Apparently the cancer is incurable but they can do stem cell treatment to ease it for awhile.
I won’t go into the treatment but to say the least it isn’t pleasant and takes a long time to go through it. He has to have his bone marrow harvested (not a pleasant process.) Then he has to have a large dose of chemotherapy to take away his immune system. Then they put his marrow back in.
I thought this was going to last about 6months in all but each time they see the specialist it gets worse he may have to go through it 3 times. I love my son-in-law and he is being very brave about it all, but it is seeing my daughter and granddaughter having to cope with it all is awful. They are not even allowed to cuddle him to comfort him in case they are not well which would affect him badly.
Some days I just don’t want to get out of bed and want to die but I have to be strong for my daughter and granddaughter they would never cope on top of everything else.
I also have a son and two other grandchildren, one said the other day our family is getting smaller and smaller.
I am so sorry this is so long but I felt like I needed to get it of my chest. I just wonder when my life will get better.
I know what you mean. There is many times I wish I could stay in bed and hide away from the world. Hoping that one day I will wake up from this nightmare. I do like to believe that we will see everyone again but just now not even that thought is giving me any comfort. I feel like my heart has been shattered into a million pieces and I don’t see it ever being mended.
When ever I feel like I have moved forward a little I remember I still have my wedding to get through without them and then I take a fall back. Life is so cruel sometimes xx