Lost and broken

Hello everyone
My name is Karl 32. After a 2 year fight with cancer my other half pasted away 2 days ago peacefully witch has my head conflicted, on 1 hand I’m happy that she is not in pain anymore and she can sleep peacefully but on the other hand I’m deeply saddened that she is not here anymore and we will not grow old together or never go though with the wedding that we started to plan.
I’m probably jumping the gun with texting a post with how fresh and raw my emotions are but finding some kind of comfort writing my thoughts down.
I don’t expect many people to write back me which is fine, and also don’t expect to find the answers on here. I I guess I just need to vent to complete strangers, unlike with family members or Friends you feel like you need to hold back your true thoughts, because they are too close to me.
Ok now I’m just rambling so I’m going to stop and say if you read this "thank you "

Hi Karl im so so sorry for your horrendous loss it’s utterly devastating it’s six months and three weeks this afternoon since my Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes all my dreams of growing old together everything has been stolen away from us so cruelly and tragically every day is getting worse your in my thoughts and prayers I really struggling to I turned 39 today it’s the first time in eighteen years I have not received a card or birthday kiss off him so in disbelief im truly sorry for your loss in my thoughts and prayers take care of yourself as much as possible speak soon Adele x

Hi Karl, the pain you feel is real, it’s so bloody hard trying to cope, no survive without them, my husband and I had 46 years together I truly believe also we would get old together we met when I was 17. I miss him him everyday, waking up thinking of him, going to bed thinking of him, every moment I can’t get him out of my head I miss him so much, it’s been 27 days now since he passed away, can’t believe he’s gone. Keep going over moments in our life together, looking round at our beautiful home we made together, and now it’s just me. The summer is coming and we won’t be enjoying it. It’s truly devastating losing a loved one. I do talk to him and tell him what I’m doing, but it’s really hard getting through the day, I don’t think about tomorrow. I miss him so much, my heart goes out to you Karl. Try to take care of yourself x

Hello Karl
This is my first time posting as I too only lost my husband just over a week ago and I thought it may be too soon to post - for me at least - but I have been reading everyone else’s posts and have found them helpful. But you have given me the courage to do so now. My daughter found my husband who had collapsed and died while I was at work - and I feel so guilty for that - she is only 24. I feel guilty too for not chatting longer when he called me at lunchtime. I also feel so guilty for little things like not kissing him goodbye that morning - rather than a hurried bye - see you later.
It is helpful to write your thoughts - I wrote pages down in the first couple of days - just like I was talking to him. In our early days we wrote to each other all the time - love letters as well as letters when we were cross with each other. So many people have told me how my husband helped them and how funny he always was - and they have filled the house since. At first it felt wrong - I felt he was missing out but it was and is a comfort to me to know how much other people loved him. I am scared of the future - but I will be strong for the sake of my children.
I had forty years with my husband - and feel cheated that he was taken too soon (he was 60) so cannot imagine how you must feel when you really did have your whole lives together ahead of you.
At least on these boards people understand and can empathise as we are all going through the same - whether it was sudden or like you had to endure her pain. I guess we will all deal with things in our own way eventually. Now I am rambling. I am dreading the funeral and there is still so much to organise. Lists, lists and lists as I find I am forgetting the most stupid things - but I guess that is still shock .

Hi there im so sorry for your loss it’s utterly devastating in my thoughts and prayers take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

Hi there im so so sorry for your horrendous loss it’s utterly devastating in my thoughts and prayers take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

Thank you. Keeping busy today helping my daughter clear her wardrobe out - sometimes the mundane things distract. When my husband’s mother was dying he used to count the penny jar - completely pointless - but sometimes things like that help you to stop ‘thinking’. I find myself talking to him all the time -but that helps too. I know I am still in shock - but hope I can continue to do this - as he would be so b… cross if he could see me maudlin cos that is not me and was never part of our relationship. I know from your other posts that you lost your partner much longer ago - I am so sorry.

Hi there thankyou for your kind words means alot yes it was six months and three weeks yesterday afternoon since my Edward fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes all my dreams of growing old together everything my life has been blown apart taken away so cruelly and tragically your keeping busy that’s good I cant even bring myself to even get out of bed today I’m utterly heartbreakon it’s soul destroying we’d be out in the garden where we always used to sit discuss what’s for tea watch television have a good night kiss just another long lonely silent night full of sorrow and pain to come I hope the day is kinder to you take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

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Hi Karl,

My wife passed away recently after living with cancer for nearly 3 years. While she was in a coma, I watched her last last breath and heartbeat on the hospital monitor while holding her hand.
The future we once planned has gone forever when my wonderful, beautiful, caring wife departed to the spiritual world.
Inside our home are many comforting reminders of her character, but also the fact that can’t be avoided, that she isnt here physically anymore. So it is easy to feel alone.
I try and get out as much as I can. I can’t expect other people to understand my grief who have not lost someone they love with all their heart. I am hoping with time things will get better. My wife wouldn’t want me to suffer at all.
The funny jokes and silly things we did together are a comfort to me. Our 28 years were brilliant.
I am so sorry for the loss of your magical partner. Hopefully, this site will give you a little comfort as we make our way through our lives. We are always here to help.

There is a future, we just have to find it.


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Utterly devastating im so sorry for your loss in my thoughts Adele x

Hello Karl. I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel, like you it was a relief that my husband was no longer in pain, he looked so peaceful and I was lucky to have him at home with me. I cared for him single handed. Afterwards the reality that they are no longer with you is very traumatic, confusing and all sorts of emotions will go through your mind.
You have come to the right place for comfort because everyone of us knows exactly what you are going through. You can ramble on as much as you want, we all do it. You can ‘talk’ as much as you want about your loved one, we will all be here for you. Stay with the forum Karl, don’t suffer alone or silently. If you have a bad day then come on and join in, it really does help. Good luck to you Pat xxx

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Hi Karl.
I’m so very sorry to hear about what’s happened. I lost my husband 3 years ago after a very short but brutal battle with cancer. We’d only been married 18 months, and his death was totally unexpected. The experience was shocking, traumatic and horrifying in a way that words can’t really describe. In the immediate aftermath, I found every minute, every hour was a painful struggle. If you have kind people around you, please let them help you. Even if it’s just someone to put the kettle on or pour you a drink, it’s something. There will be some things they can’t help with, where only you can deal with what needs to be done. But having someone as a companion just for moral support on those occasions can be very helpful. There is so much of this you will have to deal with alone, resolve to share the bits you can wherever the opportunity lay. You must take care of yourself and give yourself permission to cope however you can too. The early months are really just an exercise in survival. After that you have a tough road ahead - and you will need to be strong. Grief is a heavy burden, and you’ll need the right muscles for carrying it with you. You’ll find ways. You can’t believe it now, I know. But you will. You are stronger than you think, and tougher than you realise. I’ve made it through 3 years without the love and light of my life. And amazingly, I’m ok. I still carry my grief everywhere, and it’s as heavy as it ever was. But now I’m stronger so it feels lighter. I hope that something in this post is helpful to you, and that you find the support and the strength you need to carry you forward.

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Hi Adele,

So sorry for your loss too. I have read your messages and you obviously deeply loved your partner. That’s why the grief is too much sometimes.

We all have to find our own paths to cope with the grief of losing our amazing partners. I will have this sadness for the rest of my life, but I am determined to help others around me. Up till now I have had plenty of support from friends, family and the messages posted by everyone on this website also.

Looking for a brighter future which I hope to find one day soon.

Take care,


Hi there thankyou for your kind words means alot I am really struggling don’t see the point in going on anymore im so sorry for your horrendous loss it’s utterly devastating im heartbreakon it’s soul destroying never felt a pain like it mentally and physically destroyed witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes in my thoughts and prayers stay blessed take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x

Well done Kemi. If I have learned anything from my own horrendous loss it is that others need our help now. I will have more tolerance, more understanding and patience and I hope that I can use my experience to encourage others through a sad time. Good luck on your brighter future. Pat xxx


Hi Pat, Many thanks for your kind and encouraging words. Me and my wife always used the term a brighter future to mark a time when we we could get back together again without the her cancer that dominated our world for several years. The words mean something totally different now after her passing, but we all have the ability to create a better world for all the people around us and you never know it may benefit ourselves too. Never a day goes by without me thinking continually of my wonderful wife, who made me so happy.
I hope you are coming to terms with your own loss of your wonderful partner. Life is so difficult when your world turns upside down.

Take care,


Hi Keith I am trying very hard to come to terms and accept. I want to remember Brian with the love and respect I have for him and not continually in tears and sadness. He would not understand what all the fuss was about. However it seems to be one small step after another and then I go backwards again. I am trying to accept this is my grief and one day a light will shine again. Brian never talked of the C although we lived with it for years. He thought only of a future right to the bitter end. I am so proud of him.
I like your thinking about us creating a better world and hope that one day I will be able to do just that in some way or other. Then I will feel he didn’t suffer and die for nothing.
Pat xx