I stumbled on this site by accident but it has been my lifeline. I can sit reading all your posts and know I am not alone. Until I found this site that is how I felt. I lost my husband suddenly to a cardiac arrest. I did CPR until the ambulance came. He was taken to hospital and two days later was responding to commands. Pull your tongue out. Squeeze my hand. I then received a call to urgently attend the hospital at nine at night. A consultant was not very caring rambled on. I asked if my husband was going to die. He assured me that we would be having a very different conversation if this was the case. It gave me hope but I still have never understood why I needed to go to hospital. The following day he was sent to MRI. Apparently when I saw the consultant he arrived almost dead on arrival. They managed to stabelize him. In the next month I could only see him twice due to Covid. He never regained consciousness. He was in the hospital for a month until they could take him off sedation to prove he had no brain function. In that time he had pneumonia twice, kidney failure and needed a triple heart bypass. The consultant spoke to me twice to update and each time told me my husband was very ill. He was gently trying to tell me he would not survive. They cared for him in that month as if he would be a survivor and treated him with total dignity and respect. When the time came I held his hand until he took his last breath. This happened ten months ago. It still feels so surreal and I still have trouble accepting he has gone and I will never have him hug me again. My life was lovely and in the same day turned into a complete mess. I can’t cope. The GP says I have complicated grief. Instead of us it is now I. I am totally responsible for my own life. The thought terrifies me. I love my husband so much and cannot imagine life without him. In the beginning I tried hypnosis counselling psychotherapy hoping that the anxiety that is crippling me would go but each day I wake and the sudden realisation of what my life is returns. After ten months friend or so called friends have stopped phoning and there are no visits. I feel alone apart from my siblings who have been a great support. People assume after ten months I am over losing the man I loved for a lifetime and still do. I talk to him each night but I honestly do not know how I get through each day. Whiskey helps. I didn’t realise until it happened to me how it has touched other people’s lives. When I found this website I was astounded at the level of pain and grief that you are all going through. I am now a member of this group and find this my only comfort. I read for hours how all of you are coping and look for hope that one day I will feel better
Dear Nel
I’m glad you still keep in touch with the posts on this website and that it helps to read other people’s views and struggles.
I haven’t been a volunteer long but am overwhelmed by the honesty of the posts, which are sometimes very difficult to answer, and the kindness you show to one another. You may all be suffering but it’s uplifting how each of you rally to support each other.
So Nel, keep walking your dog, keep your family close and forgive those friends who feel inadequate to help. You are such a brave lady and I’m so glad you have your little dog to keep you company.
with warmest wishes,
Miche24
Hiya nel lost my husband 14month ago and a lot of people think you should be back to normal no it never will be for us I have a lovely family but as for friends don’t phone or text but take care of you lv annie x x
Oh Nel how your story is so similar to mine. My hubby went into hospital for a op only to catch sepsis and have pneumonia followed by kidney failure and heart failure. I to wasn’t allowed to visit only to be called in on August 12th when he died with me holding his hand and telling him I love him. I feel hospital let him down as he didn’t have any of these things till he went in. I’ve got a complaint going on with them at moment.
I’ve had a really bad couple of days. I woke up and began to cry. The crying lasted on and off for most of the day even when I took my little Yorkie for a walk. It came from nowhere and just hit me like a train. My husband is never far from my thoughts and I just think I am coping a little better then WHAM. X
I’m exactly the same Nel, I have some good friends and my brother & his family are great but sometimes when I’m on my own (with my little cat) the pain of losing Ian comes back really badly, it hits you so hard and makes you helpless doesn’t it?! x
I’m crying as I type this. Life is shut and then we die x
So sorry nel lv annie x big hugs x
So sorry Nel. Sending hugs xx
I’m the same mate bless you sending hugs xx