Lost and lonely

I lost my wonderful wife 10 weeks ago. We had been together for 41 years. It was very sudden and unexpected and as you can imagine the shock was unbearable.
However my children and I sorted out the inevitable things that need doing and after the funeral I began to try and push forward. I went back to work and I’ve been coping pretty much as well as can be expected.
Until the weekends. I can’t deal with the loneliness I feel even though my daughter and her family are here.
I have just started 2 weeks annual leave and I’m not really sure how I’m going to cope.
I don’t feel I can burden my children with my grief as they are still grieving themselves.
Please help

Hello Brad
I am so sorry about your wife, losing someone suddenly and unexpectedly is so brutal. There is no time to say whatever you want to, no time to reminisce and say goodbye .
I lost my partner of 47 years in this way and I’m still in a state of shock and disbelief after 18 weeks.
Like you I sorted out the arrangements but now I feel so alone. I’m not lonely I don’t want a lot of people around me but I miss him so much in the evenings and weekends. I think they’re the worse when you see other couples together
There is nobody to share a piece of news with, chat to, joke with. Family are great but it’s not the same as your wife or partner.
After 41 years together you have a huge gap in your life as I do.
Take time to grieve for your wife don’t feel the need to fill every moment of the day
I find walking our favourite walks with our dog brings some peace.
Is there anything like this you shared that might help you?
I also made a photo album online of pictures over our years together.
I hope you find something to help you through this very sad time.
Take care Jx

Thank you for your kind thoughts, my wife was disabled for the last few years and we spent a lot of time with each other but didn’t really socialise much. We watched our favourite TV shows and up until now I have avoided watching them, maybe I should give it a try.
My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time

Hi ime going through the same it is like your dead inside nothing has any intrest to you the loneliness is dredful and but no one can fill it my adult children have been great but i think its the anxiaty almost like a panic that you are going to be alone for days ime sorry for your loss but i have noticed theres been a slight drop in the anxiaty i cant help you with your pain but your not alone in this many of us are out there ive just joind a social club and went on a walk and pub meal after it was hard but when i got home i didnt feel quite alone as most of the people had gone through this and found them very friendly and understanding ime going on another next week not exactly excited but its something i have ahead i make shure i have something ahead each week so life feels less futyle .regards .p

Hi Brad, I know exactly how you feel. I’m only 5 and a half weeks into this nightmare. My husband Richard was my world, I can’t cope at all. I to don’t want to burden my kids.
I hope you have the same support from your kids and family, as I do.

BW Lesley

Hello everyone,
I’m having such a bad time at the moment.We were supposed to be going on holiday today to a place we both loved and had been many times before. I had to cancel, I know I’ll never go there again. So many lovely memories .It hurts more everyday and I feel so alone now.
I can’t cope with what’s happened and never will.
Sorry I can’t be positive I hope you’re all doing better than I am. J

Hi, I’m so sorry your having such a bad time. I was supposed to be in New York last week to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago. Life is so cruel. It’s hard to carry on, but we have too. I have a family wedding to go to in 3 weeks, I will be with people having a lovely time, and I will have to pretend I’m ok, but I won’t be. So I’m supposed to be supporting you and I’m just feeling sorry for myself. This is hard, but we will get through, I know in time we will.

Morning ime sorry your feeling so down .give your family or froends a call tell them you need company its anxiaty thats getting you its things like this that trigger it especially first thing when you wake up i know you feel wretched now but you have to keep telling yourself it will feel better i say it out loud i will feel better this i say all the time .if you have laundry or ironing start it now .you have to ride out the anxiaty thats the one that realy gets you. And it causes that horrible panicky feel go for a walk in the park somwhere you have not been together ive done it its awful but when you come home it feels slightly better .ime so sorry you feel this way p

Thanks Lesleym,
I think you’re entitled to feel sorry for yourself- your situation is just as sad as mine. How csn life be do cruel ?
It helps to know you understand how I feel.Thank you Jx

Your welcome, and that’s the sad thing, we know actually how we all feel. People try to simplify with me, telling me they know how I feel. I say to them, until you walk in my shoes you will never understand how I feel. I wouldn’t wish this heartache on my worst enemy. I just hope one day I will feel somewhere near to happy again. At the moment I can only think about being back with my husband, I feel selfish thinking it as I have 3 lovely children, I have to carry on for them. I hope you pick up soon. I’m always here if you need to talk, day or night, as I don’t sleep much.

BW Lesley

Thank you all good advice.J

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