After many years of struggle with dementia my mother died last year - even though it was expected and in some ways a relief - it shook my foundations. My father struggled to cope and succumbed shortly after. Even though I am in my 50’s I feel I’ve lost my North Star and can’t seem to make any sensible decisions with implications for personal relationships and work. I can’t see a way through this weak mental state. It’s affected my physical health in ways I did not anticipate. I’d be grateful for any advice on how to get through this.
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Hello @HCari,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your parents that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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Hi Cari
I experienced something similar in terms of the the physical reaction. I couldn’t sleep and my circulation was pulsing with burning sensation’s. It was my body’s response to the trauma of losing my Dad. I couldn’t eat either and lost some weight very quickly. My body started to settle down after a few weeks . As you have been through stress before your Mum died as you would have been on high alert for a long time , it does take a while for your body to re set , if that makes sense . Be kind to yourself , I found grief yoga , sound baths and massage helped. My Mum died 20 weeks after my Dad and I experienced the exact same physical response. It takes time to adjust to a new normal, you will get there .
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Hi @HCari
I’m sorry for your loss.
I too have lost both parents, dad a few years ago and the mum in April of this year. Like you it hit me in ways I did not expect. I have been to the doctor many times with physical complaints, only to be told each time it’s grief.
Losing both your parents leaves you rudderless and lost. But it is temporary and it is the natural order.
Have you had any grief counselling? The opportunity to talk about your feelings and fears I found liberating, particularly when it is pointed out that all your fears are a normal response.
You are not weak, you’re deep in grief. Try not to judge yourself too hard - I make that mistake too. Be kind to yourself and prioritise self care - eating well, exercise, fresh air, going for a walk and talking to the people you meet.
Wishing you well.
Thank you. I am doing counselling but have discovered I have a dark room full of negativity in my head that I go to when triggered and tired. It’s a bit scary but I think naming it and recognising it’s there helps. I just so overwhelmed and tired. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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