I’m 42 with an 11 year old son. And struggling with the realisation that I have lost both my parents to cancer at this younger age.
My mother passed in 2021, one month after a diagnosis of bladder cancer which had spread to her lung.
Most recently I have lost my father in March 2026 to liver cancer which again he passed one month after diagnosis.
My father wasn’t well when my mother passed, so I feel I didn’t grieve properly for my mother at the time as my focus shifted onto the support for my father.
For the last 5 years I did everything for my father in my mother’s absence. Now he is not here, I am utterly lost.
Some days, I feel a sense of freedom but it is a short lived positive feeling.
Everything feels so final. They both loved my son so much and the fact I can’t share his successes with them anymore absolutely breaks my heart as nobody can replace the reactions that they would have given to information i shared.
I have disturbing dreams about my dad passing. I was present at both parents passings.
I’m certain I am also experiencing health anxiety due to the nature of both parents passings. Plus my fathers cancer was due to a genetic condition. I am awaiting genetic testing results currently.
I don’t ever feel like I am going to overcome these deep feelings of loss, negativity & fear. It is so hard.
I’m Naoise, and I just wanted to reach out and say how truly sorry I am that you’re going through so much. Experiencing multiple losses can feel incredibly heavy, and it’s completely understandable if you’re finding it hard to cope right now. Please know that you’re not alone in feeling this way.
Many people in our community have faced more than one bereavement, and while every experience is unique, there can be comfort in hearing from others who understand the exhaustion that can come with grieving more than one person. You might find it helpful to read through some of their posts here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Bereavement Information pages which can help you to understand much of what you may be feeling or experiencing.
This community is here for you - whether you want to talk, ask questions, or simply be heard. You are not alone.
What lot you have been through! One parent’s death is huge, but two close together is massive.
It takes a huge toll on how you cope with life. When I lost my father, it bought back everything with my Mum, even though she t was 18 years apart, not 5 like you. Also, the realisation that you have no parents is so tough. I lost my mum at 26 and Dad when I was 44 (a few weeks before 45) I am 46 now. I was present at both their deaths too, which is a huge honour, but also upsetting. Mum died of cancer and Dad of pulmonary fibrosis. I have had lots of anxiety, and catastrophising which I assumed was largely perimenopause related but I think I am probably wouldn’t have been so bad without my father’s death- grief and perimenopause creates a heady mix of anxiety, brain fog and exhaustion. I have a 10year old and 15 and 17 yr old too. I don’t know if you feel similarly, but I also found it difficult that I wasn’t in the same life stage as my peers by age- but had more in common with my colleagues who are retiring- 15-20 years older than me, who have lost one or two parents!
Things will improve. It is still early days for you. You will always miss them, but the rawness softens, and the anxiety lessens. Talk about it with anyone who will listen. Friends, family, colleagues and professionals. I had counselling (and would still be doing that except they ceased trading) it helps . Speaking anxieties makes them lessen too as they seem to fester more if not spoken aloud! Grieving with children around also adds a new dimension of challenge. Getting the balance right between letting them see you upset and grieving and not overburdening is hard! Didn’t have that the first time!
I can relate so much to what you are saying, thank you for your response. Perimenopause is a contributing factor for sure.
And yes, definitely find that most people who understand the most ar people ahead of me in age. I have no friends who have experienced loss to this extent, as in both parents.
I think counselling is definitely something I need to think about.
I am so sorry to hear about your story too. It does help knowing that people are going through similar. Thanks so much for your time
