Hi I am 38 and I have just lost both parents who were 65 and 66 within 18 days of each other to pancreatitis and aspiration pneumonia, dementia and Lewy body. I watched my dad pass away, also my mum over two days, but missed her last breath. Both were so unexpected.
I am finding this so hard but also, I am in extreme denial about it all like I never watched my dad die or my mum. It never happened, they were so young, this isn’t fair. How could this happen so suddenly and where are they now? Why did they both die of different things? Why did they die 18 days apart? I don’t understand it at all… I may never understand and is that ok?
My mum fell ill in May due to a gallstone which lead to pancreatitis. Unfortunately, in September after fighting so hard in hospital, induced into a coma, made a recovery and went home for a short period, she then returned to the High Dependency unit for the third time (not a good sign at all) and didn’t come home (deep in my heart we knew this at the time). She died of multiple organ failure, despite them trying everything. She was everything to me and a rock to the family and this was so unexpected as we had literally just gone away on holiday with my dad with my family and their grandchildren and we were all swimming a week ago.
After my mum passed I didn’t really have time to grieve as my mum was my dad’s primary carer. My dad knew who we all were, he was very alert in that sense, he just kept slipping back in time, found doing anything hard and wasn’t very mobile. I had to get care in place for him. This took awhile as we (the family) wanted him to remain in his family home for as long as possible. We finally got good care in place and set his home up suitable for him and the carer found him collapsed one morning. We all thought he would be at hospital for a short period of time be on a set of antibiotics for a chest infection, and be back home again in no time, but we got a phone call to say they didn’t think he would make it. We were all in shock. I later watched my dad in a side room pass away over 2 days, just 18 days after my mum. I never left his side.
They did go as peacefully as you can wish for someone to pass and there is some comfort to think they are both together. I do believe my mum called for him and my dad was heartbroken over mum, but it has been horrific to watch and for both parents to die within 18 days is shocking , a trauma to the system. I struggled to speak days after. I am now on antidepressants for my anxiety, I was due to return from Maternity leave as I had my second child in January so I was dealing with all this since my baby was 4 months alongside my 3 year old, and I have been signed off work until the end of November.
I have now organised a joint funeral to take place for them both end of October. I worry this will hit me hard. I still can’t fully understand it all. Just putting all this on here has helped me. We are now having to deal with probate and the family estate. This is hard. No one prepares you for all of this.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for putting this on here but, I am sure I am not the only one who has lost both parents together so quickly in a short space of time. Thank you for reading.