My parents lived in spain…my dad had terminal cancer so we knew he had limited time…on 19th December I flew out as he was so weak…he then passed the next day…I was glad I was there holding his hand and telling him it’s ok but cant get the images of him dying out of my head…my mum was distraught I stayed 3 weeks to look after her and make sure she had carers going in as she refused to come back to uk. I had to come home on 9th jan as my daughter had covid and she also has addison’s disease. Mum cried and said thankyou and that she loved me. My mum was never lovley dovey when I was young…she struggled as a single parent and she used to beat us…I had nightmares for years. Anyway I came back on 9th and then my mum died on the 10th…I was distraught! I’m a mess I cant understand why cos although we had a nice few weeks before she passed…she was not a good mother…I feel guilt for coming back and wasnt with her when she passed…I keep crying…cant work…anything little happens and I explode…I’m so confused and do not know how to come out of it…I have always been a strong person and gone through many bad times but this has floored me…
Cally, how sad and I can understand that you feel distraught and helpless. For both your parents to go close together and not being able to be with your mum makes things worse. It really doesn’t make any difference what the relationship was, it’s the fact she was your mum and trying to make sense of grief is impossible. Give yourself some space and time and be kind to yourself. You have lost your mum and your dad in a short space and you need to come to terms with the fact that they have gone. You are strong and you will get through this but relax and let things go slowly. Take care of yourself. S xx
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Thanks Susie for your lovely message…I have accessed some counselling over the next few weeks and hope to feel better soon…hope your ok x
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