Hi,
I’m really glad I have found this site as I feel I’m struggling to get support elsewhere, so hoping for some help.
My dad passed away eight weeks ago. He had been ill for some time following two strokes, the second of which resulted in him having to move from my care to a nursing home in 2020. At this point he was unable, to walk, talk, feed himself or do any daily living tasks. Handing him over to the care of the home was very difficult especially as we were under very tight covid restrictions at the time.
We got used to how things were, although it was never easy but he slowly deteriorated in many ways until the last six months of his life which were spent in and out of hospital with infections, a previous cancer returning and him being asleep 98% of the time.
When he got his final infection and the doctors said that his kidneys were failing and he was beyond treatment I felt a sense of relief. We sat with him for four days until he passed and those were the hardest days of my life. Because he had been peg fed he hung on longer than we thought and it was a dreadful time. When he passed I again felt relief and then there was so much to sort out and I thought I felt okay.
There were four weeks to wait until his funeral and I returned to work after a week but then as his funeral got nearer I felt to be unravelling mentally. I was so sad and my fuse was short, I wasn’t sleeping and then they day before the funeral the physical symptoms started. I was in bed feeling sick and unable to eat all the day before. The thought of seeing him in a box had been on my mind for a while but it had got too much.
The funeral was better than I thought, there was so much love for him in the room but there was no wake for him afterwards as he had previously expressed he didn’t want this so it felt a very abrupt ending.
I had thought that the physical symptoms would pass but every day since the funeral four weeks ago I have felt sickly, had chest pains (to the point my GP sent me to have my heart checked but nothing was found), had an awful taste in my mouth, felt anxious, not been able to sleep, sometime struggle to eat. It’s not all symptoms all day every day but there’s always something. I think it is getting a bit better but it’s gone on so long now and I want to feel like me again
I went off sick after the funeral and am due to return next week as my sick pay has run out. I work with disabled adults which makes it harder but I know I have to do it or I’ll just be stuck here forever.
I try yoga and guided meditation daily, I have been referred for counselling but there is a six week wait (I did enquire privately but the wait is as long). I’ve upped my vit D as advised by the GP and I’m not happy about taking anxiety medication as I suffer from IBS and have been told it could make it worse which isn’t what I need at the minute.
Apologies for the long blurb, I just think I need some support from others who have been through anything like this.
Any advice would be greatly apprecaited