I lost my dad two months ago and I am struggling. I cared for him and after losing my mam I couldn’t grieve properly as I tried to keep his spirits up. I am crying all the time and don’t want to be here anymore. I try not to get upset in front of people as I can see they are getting exasperated with me and that I should be coping better but I can’t see this getting any better.
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Dear @She
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your dad and that you are struggling. You are still in the early stages of grief and it is a horrible rollercoaster ride of emotions. There will be good days and bad days, all of which is normal. It is ok to cry and in time the crying will cease but this does not mean you forget or love your dad any less. You learn to except your dad is not coming back, it is hard. Grief is a journey to be taken at your pace, there are no time limits. You do need to be gentle with yourself as you are grieving for both of your parents not having grieved for your mum as you were caring for your dad.
There are resources by Sue Ryder which may be of help to you at this time.
There is a useful Grief Guide that contains information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. When you feel ready, it would be worth having a look at it.
You may wish to consider one to one Counselling. Sue Ryder free online Bereavement Counselling which you may be interested in. It would be worth having a look at it.
There is also a blog on Losing a Parent which may be of help and support to you. You can also connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself.
Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. This is helpful for family and friends too.
You can connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself by using the search bar above. We understand the pain of losing a loved one.
It might be helpful for you to book an appointment with your doctor to let them know how you feel and to see how they can support you if you have not done so already.
Have you considered talking to the Samaritans who are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year on 116 123? It is a free confidential service and it might help you to talk to someone.
You are not alone, we the Community are all here for you. Keep reaching out here and talking, it will help and we all understand the pain you are going through.
Take care. Sending hugs
Peppers xx
Hi.
Im so sorry you’ve lost your dad. I am in the same place too. I lost my dad on 13th December. I cared for him until the end. My dad was my world. He moved to the Isle of Wight when his cancer got worse to enjoy living on a boat and island life. We spoke 3 times a day. We were so alike in almost everyway. I am struggling without him. Sometimes all i want is to be with him and those thoughts can be quite frightening. I dont want to talk to family or friends, i dont want to burden them. I dont want to appear like im maoning etc. Im holding life down but holding on xx
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I’m very sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in November 2022, we were incredibly close and I miss him everyday.
It has been five months since I lost my dad and despite keeping myself busy the pain is constant. My brother is not grieving in the same way and I also feel that people don’t understand why I haven’t “moved on”.
You are not alone.
Xx
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Janey,
I’m very sorry for your loss.
I relate to your post. My dad was also my world and i am trying my best to get through each day, it’s extremely difficult.
There are people here who understand.
Xx
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Im so sorry too, Katheine. Its so difficult. In the outside, to people, my dad has died, loss is not nice, smile and move on. On the inside, im crumbling. I see my dads last moments flash back all the time, he suffered and thats carried on wirh me now. I smile, i make people laugh, id do anything for anybody if they needed my help. Anything to forget my pain. Thank you for your message, really kind and im sorry youre going through the same xx
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Thank you for your reply, Janey.
Grief is very isolating. Society seems to accept that after we lose someone we are sad initially, but soon after it is expected that we focus on the memories and move on. If only it was that easy.
I have also struggled with thoughts of my dad suffering, cancer is so traumatic. Even now, five months on I feel somewhat stuck in the period of September last year when my dad was diagnosed to November when he passed away. It’s so confusing and upsetting. Dad has left a void that will never be filled.
Xxx
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Thank you everyone for your replies, I am trying so hard but today is a really bad day for some unknown reason. I also laugh and talk to everyone as though I am okay as they don’t want my problems. Just knowing other people care is a help. Thank you
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It’s been four months now and things are not getting any easier in fact some days it is just so awful. I am trying to put a brave face on things but I just feel so useless and worthless I really don’t want to be like this and I really don’t want to be here, I just want to be with my mam and dad
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Hi She,
Four months is not much time since losing your Dad. It’s ok to feel upset and lost.
It is nearly seven months since I lost my Dad and I miss him so much. I think about him constantly and my heart still feels like it’s been broken into million pieces. It feels like a form of torture to miss someone this much.
This weekend and so far this week has felt awful. I cried myself to sleep again last night and life feels meaningless. I know there are reasons why the grief feels so debilitating lately, father’s day coming up and this time last year Dad was here and we were going on holiday.
I feel very daunted about the months to come as I was worried about Dad’s back pain this time last year which we found out in the September was advanced cancer. The months from June to November when we lost him have crystal clear clarity for me and everything hurts.
I want to be with my Dad too but I will continue to try to just get through each day and hope that amongst the sadness there will be some days where the grief is not so heavy.
Have you considered speaking to a grief councellor or your GP?
You are not alone.
Sending hugs.
Xx
Thanks for your reply unfortunately our GP is not very sympathetic, yesterday was bad as it was father’s day, today I just feel lost and so pathetic, I know I should be trying to pull myself together and people are getting fed up with me but I am finding it so hard. I used to love to talk to people but now I don’t want to as I am finding it harder to pretend and laugh and make other people feel better in fact I am now locking the door and staying away from people. Thanks for your thoughts. I feel so selfish and I know most people are going through worse things than myself.
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Hi She,
I’m sorry to hear that the GP is not very sympathetic. It may be worth looking if there are any other support services available (if you want to).
When Dad died I went to see a grief councellor as I knew how much I would struggle. It gave me a neutral space to talk about Dad without feeling like I was a burden on family who I didn’t want to upset and who were not as open with their grief. It might not be beneficial for you but it may give you space to speak with someone about how you are feeling.
I still feel completley lost, seven months on from losing Dad. I feel at the mercy of whatever grief comes my way and it’s very disorientating.
You are not pathetic and I don’t think there is a way to pull yourself together when you are grieving a parent. It’s such a profound loss and I think however you feel is ok. It is a huge amount of pressure to feel that you need to make other people feel better too.
I understand feeling selfish and thoughts that other people are going through worse. I posted on here a few days ago about how much I was struggling and although I felt better after writing my thoughts down I also felt uneasy as there is a pressure (from myself) that I should be able to cope by now and an expectation from society that I should have moved on. I think there is also an unhealthy mentality in society that just because someone has it worse off our feelings of sadness are not valid.
I haven’t moved on from losing my Dad and I know I never will. The loss is real and if I feel like crying I will, despite my perceptions of how other people might interpret this.
I hope you keep reaching out on here.
Xxx
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Thanks for your support. My mam and dad were let down badly by the hospital and also by the district nurse who was supposed to provide palliative care to my dad (a more cold unfeeling person I have yet to come across) I know it’s just a job to them but my dad was frightened and in pain and I cannot forgive them so I am also so angry with them. I’m sorry to unburden myself in this way. Take care xxx