6 months ago my heart was broken and my soul was crushed when I lost my 33 year old daughter to a blood clot two days post surgery. No warning, she dropped as I held her hand and never got back up. The emergency services threw everything at her including HEMS. I watched as they gave her CPR but she never came back. I told her she would be okay. I was supposed to protect her. There isn’t a day that I don’t miss her, cry for her. I can’t understand why she was taken. She never should have died.
I feel so much for you, we too lost our daughter 4 days post surgery 10 weeks ago. I am struggling to deal with it and still am in disbelief that it happened! Take care!
It has been and still is so difficult to take in. We are left with so many mixed emotions and questions as I imagine you are too. My heart is with you. Hang on in there.
We are hanging in by a thread some days, as we try to come to terms with what has happened, and trying to answer the questions we have about it! I wish you all the strength in the world! xx
I am still trying to find answers in whatever way I can but am learning that sometimes there are no answers. I wish I could blame somebody so that I don’t blame me. I wish I could find a reason for a blood clot that took my baby, but I can’t. All the unanswered questions are painful too. I hope you have good family support around you as I have. Sending to you
Morning grayl I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter life is so cruel luv and I’m going through the same my daughter was taken in January this year she was 25 breast and liver cancer took her it makes you very angry and devastated wondering why they are taken. You need questions answered but we ll never get them answered to why their time was up at such an early age my daughter was healthy never smoked drunk went to the gym ate healthy etc and cancer struck I still don’t understand why it happened and I never will but I come on here regular to talk to these lovely people who are going through the same thing I hope you will get a little comfort from here. Love and hugs shellyanne XX
Bless your heart Shellyanne. Stay strong.
You to my love. We are all here to support each other XX
I lost my daughter in May she was just 19.
I still don’t believe she has gone. I think it’s the shock of losing her which causes PTSD. A counsellor said I need extensive therapy because of the circumstances around how my daughter was treated and the lead up to the death. I don’t know how you ever move on from this. I am trying to meet people for lots of coffees and that helps a little but it is just a distraction. There is no word in the English dictionary that explains the pain of losing a child. I have many days I don’t feel I want to live and getting through each day is so difficult.
I think we all need to consider we may need to look at counselling or therapeutic support to help us at least manage, although I doubt the pain and sadness will ever go away. As I read somewhere loving a dead child does not follow any grieving process at all. I don’t know if that’s right. Andy X
I don’t think I will ever get over losing my daughter. Losing a child you have loved do unconditionally is so unfathomable and cannot follow any set grievance process the professionals recommend. All you can do, which I have been doing, is do what helps you. Have a good support network around. People who will listen and talk about your child with you and also cry with you and not judge. I have found that invaluable.
I hope talking on here helps you as there is no manual for grief. Stay strong and know she is always with you in your . Children are not supposed to be a memory but we love them the same.
Hi grayl I don’t think il ever come to terms with loosing my two daughters it’s just heartbreaking I struggle each day wondering if I can make it through a day without breaking down at work etc I look at the photos of both of my girls and think why did he pick them to take its just not fair I have a councilling session once a week she’s really nice and understanding I think it’s good coming on here to chat to you all because you are all going through the same grief and you understand totally take care everyone xx shellyanne
Hi shellyanne, I know what you are saying. There is that split second every morning between sleep and awake where it all seems like a bad dream - and then I wake up and the nightmare begins all over again. I cry for her every day - be it in my car, at home or at work. I am fortunate to have a really great support network both in and out of work but as much as that helps, no one can really understand if they have not been through it, but I appreciate it any way.
Morning Andy I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. The pain is so intense of loosing your child unless you are going through it people can’t understand . Somedays I wake up n think god why didn’t you take me instead then having the overwhelming feeling of despair that comes over you then you have to cope the best way you can through the day which is a struggle I lost my youngest daughter in January this year to breast and liver cancer she was 25 and my other daughter who would have been 36 now. Life is so cruel. I come on here every day if I can to chat to these lovely people it does help a lot that you are not on your own. Take care Andy. Shellyanne XX
Dear Andy - so sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss. It is still early days in terms of grieving. At first for me it felt totally overwhelming and unbelievable and cruel beyond words. From what’s happened to me and talking to others who have lost a child of any age, I don’t think there’s any set pattern to grieving for someone you brought into the world. I am still waiting for counselling but have support from friends and the charity Compassionate Friends. I’m asking for and trying every kind of support that I can find. I try and be mindful of the fact that we can’t change this awful loss and most of us are suffering trauma. Usually undiagnosed by our GPS, who in any case often don’t have the resources to help. I am taking anti depressants and I’m glad I did. They have calmed me down and I can sleep at night. My thoughts also feel better ordered and I can cope with daily life, most of the time. All of the stages of ‘normal’ grief are there but losing your child seems to enhance them by an awful lot. Two emotions that I find most painful are guilt and anger and a non stop yearning for my girl. Things do improve and there are chinks of light. I don’t think I can ‘move on’ but I can learn to live with the world as it is, it’s a lifelong journey and I’m in the very early stages and so are you. It sounds a bit wet but honestly being kind to ourselves is what we deserve. We’ve all been and are experiencing a tragedy and a trauma and we are bereft. Somehow others on here have shown me the way and I’m following their lead. Everyone’s grief is individual but there is comfort in sharing with others who understand. Wishing you some peace. I hope you keep posting xx
Dear Shellyanne and Nell
Thank you for the messages and it’s so sad to hear so many parents are bereaved. .
I am trying to accept help from anyone and can sometimes get through a day without too many meltdowns but when they come they are intense.
I am now on anti depressants too.
We lost our daughter in May and it took us totally by surprise. We are both dealing with grief in very different ways and it is so hard. Mine is the keep busy way, with the occasional meltdown, my husband is struggling and I am trying to persuade him to get help, unsuccessfully at the moment. We are taking each day as it comes and plans for the future take a back seat at the moment. We know we will get through it, but some days it seems impossible!
Thank you Buff
So sorry to hear you are in a similar position.
Our daughter died suddenly although she had physical and mental health issues for some years.
My partner is dealing with grief in a different way too so it is hard. I am not confident I will get through it but I am trying to keep busy and hope that things get a little easier in time. I miss my daughter so much and all the fun and love she brought to us. It’s also taken her life and her hopes and dreams as well and I think I find that the hardest. Andy xx
Hi Andy - my daughter had mental health issues and the medication she was taking caused physical issues too. The mental health thing is really hard to come to terms with for me. Some of her life she was really unhappy and could be emotionally unreachable. She was diagnosed with bi polar disorder in the last few years and I worry for my grandkids cos it seems it is partly genetic. I feel guilty about that too. I’m having a bad day today, but on a good day I know that the past can’t be changed and that I loved her and supported her. The ifs and buts will be there for me and her husband and kids forever, but somehow we have to learn to concentrate on the living and at the same time honour and cherish her memory. Hugs xxx