Lost father

I lost my father and it keeps eating away at me.
I couldnt bring myself to even hold his hand when i visited in hospital, i did say bye and that i loved him as he went and they say hearing is the last thing to go.
My dad ran a lot and was underweight, he didnt eat properly, he was seeing a dietician etc as he couldnt put weight on he never helped himself in that way. He died of low blood sugars and pneumonia as his immune system was non existent and he seemed to give up in the end. Why didnt we do more for him, my mother lived with him and she virtually ate like him as she probably thought it was right. I moved out and worked away years ago. Could i have gone back more often etc, but to see how he was becoming i didnt often go back. He got hospitalised and they both agreed not to tell me so as not to worry me, so i feel anger from that point and resentment to my mother for that bit especially, then i look at my mother and think your sat there alive living your empty life, when my dad had hobbies etc

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Hello, the sad truth is that parents keep things from their kids as they never stop being parents, regardless of age. Mine were the same. Mum died in Nov 23 and Dad 5 weeks ago. Mum had been hiding that she had a lump until tests were complete but fell before the results and we found out. They didn’t want to worry anyone.

When people live together they don’t see the gradual decline. It’s the whole boiling frog analogy that a frog doesn’t notice getting hot until too late.

They were adults and made their own choices. That’s really hard for us adult children. I too am regretful for not intervening more at points, but this is part of the grief process. Try not to be too hard on yourself or your mum.

I can hear your pain. This is grief and it totally sucks. Sending a virtual hug :people_hugging: and strength.