Lost grandparent to cancer - dont know how to cope

Lost my papa just over a month ago to cancer. Although he was my grandfather, he was more of a dad to me and we were super close. Me and my mum looked after him till the very end where he passed away at home with us.

I just feel like I don’t know how to cope. I feel like in a way I haven’t grieved properly because i push it away alot and try not to cry. I make myself sleep a lot to try and not think about things.

There was so much that happened those final weeks that were just awful to watch and his death wasn’t as peaceful as I’d hoped so I don’t know if I just need to vent it all out everything that happened just to get it all out my head. Ofcoarse you dont then want to vent that out to family because they are going through the grieving process too and you dont want to upset them so im just unsure as to what to do.

Just feeling a bit meh and wish we didn’t have to go through losses like this.

Grandparents really are a familys treasure and i just dont know what i am going to do without him :frowning:

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Thank you so much for this reply!
It helps being on here and being able to vent and hear how other people are coping etc x