That’s fair enough, you have to do what is right for you. I’ve had the worst day today. I actually can’t believe it. My 29 year old son came around and broke down in tears. Only to tell me that he has gambled 100,000 since December. I’m actually not sure I can cope with any more trauma.
Lolly27
Really sorry to hear that. Grief can make
do strange things.
Not sure i am able to give any advice on that.
Always here if you need to vent or talk about it.
Am also sorry to hear that. I have a 29 year old son and a 31 year old. They have both taken things badly and reacted in different ways. Wish I could advise. Am thinking of you xx
Thankyou both, there’s nothing to say is there. It’s like, do I need bereavement help or gamcare. It’s not the first time he’s done this , I think his mental state must be worse than I’d imagined, we thought he’d beaten it. Grief is of course a trigger isn’t it. I think I need to pay more attention to how this has affected him and put my own feelings aside for now.
I have been reading about the ripple effect of grief and how different people are affected. And the one person you want to help you and give you support isn’t here and it is so hard. One of my sons has taken things particularly badly. It makes you feel overwhelmed with the crushing sense of responsibilty. I really hope you and your son find the support you need. Xx
You are right, this is a place where others understand how you feel, I know that my feelings of desperation are shared by so many others who have experienced the loss of someone they love and miss so much.
Sending my love xx
Thankyou CloudySky
It’s so good to have this platform, Because I feel like I’m not only trying to deal with this awful unimaginable grief for my husband, but now the constant worry for my son. My doctor told me to call Cruse, which I couldn’t get hold of, so I emailed and explained the whole situation. Their email back was rude and basically said a one liner of ‘ sorry for your loss, we’re not councillors’. I am starting councilling for my son’s addiction on Monday, but it’s a heavy weight to bear with no one to talk to and it does impact my grief. So I’m put off from talking to Cruse again. I already felt like I’d died when my husband died and now I have to live the rest of this life with this horrible constant worry about my son. There are no family members to discuss this with. His sister had already said that if he gambled his dad’s hard earned money she wouldn’t be able to come back from that. His wife has said she’d divorce him, she definitely would. And my parents are from an era where they don’t understand mental illness. I’m having to put my grief aside to deal with this alone and it’s really hard. Sorry I’ve gone on, I’m just feeling desperate this week.
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@Lolly27 ,Don"t feel sorry at all for going on as you said. That is what this is for. I have one son who has walked out of his job because he hated it and said life is too short and they were not at all supportive after the sudden death of his dad. My other son lives abroad and is now questioning everything. Me and you want the one person who can support us all to be here and they are not. I just try and get through each day and support them but wake up each morning and think it has just been a bad dream. I also didn’t find Cruse very helpful but am now having counselling through my doctor although am not really sure about it. You are in my thoughts. By the way the picture of you and your husband is beautiful xx
When I lost my beloved husband in November, my doctor suggested I talk to Crus, I spoke to them twice and never called again as I thought they were useless. Now im having grief counselling at the hospice where he passed away.
They way I feel at the moment, I don’t think it is helping but will carry on with it.
I miss him everyday and I feel lost and lonely without him.
Being on here helps me get my feelings out.
Thankyou both
Thankyou for saying our picture is beautiful, I really like that one. Maybe sons find it harder because it’s their dad, I don’t know. My daughter is still really sad but I feel she would have felt my loss more. It’s true the one person who would have know how to deal with this, isn’t here. I sometimes think, am I in some awful coma still from when I had pneumonia a couple of years ago and when I wake up this is all going to have been a hideous nightmare. But then I know that the days feel too real to be a dream. The doctor I’ve spoken to has said it’s too early to have grief counselling within a year really as it’s too raw to really talk about properly. I find it hard to speak and speak and speak and it not be a conversation, I think. I don’t like pauses that I have to fill, I want some input. I’m so sorry for you both, it’s both horrible and comforting to know that you understand how this feels xx
Im sorry to hear your husband has passed away. Maybe when you’re ready you can do all the things he talked about with a family member in memory of him, xx
My son is doing the race for life on Sunday 8th June, in honour of his dad.
I said I would go and watch him do it.
Without his dad its going to feel horrible standing there alone.
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Is there someone who can go with you. My daughter did the Bath Half last Sunday. When she crossed the finish line we literally sobbed. It was such an emotional moment. If you can bring yourself to go, the pride will burst out of you. I’m so proud of her for doing something she never wanted to have to do xx
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I have to go, if I don’t I think his dad woouldnt be happy if he was on his own. Its the first time going anywhere without him.
I just wish he was here to see him doing it x
I know it’s hard. It’s hard doing everything on your own. You’ll be so pleased you did go. And I totally believe that your husband will be in your son’s ear pushing him along. My daughter said she had Ian in her ear the whole way along. She’d twisted her knee and couldn’t even run 1k the week before, but something certainly spurred her on to manage 22k xx
Its only 5k, so he should be able to do, he does more in the amy.
Yes hopefully his dad will be there with him helping him xx
Hi Poppet
I know it will be extremely hard for you, but you know Mark would be so proud of you both, maybe you could get someone to go with you, it’s a while off yet, hopefully you will feel a little stronger then.
Sending you my love xx
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Im pushing myself to go, if I don’t then I know mark wouldn’t be happy. He would say your son is doing something good and you should be there to cheer him on.
If he was here he would of come and watched.
I need to do it, I will ask someone to come with me xxx
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Hi Poppet
It will be extremely emotional for all of you, but your son will want you with him and it will be something that I am sure you would not want to miss xxx
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No, its not until june, but I will let you know how it went, better take some tissues with me x
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