We found out last May that my husband had stage 4 liver and bowel cancer, after a routine blood test for his overactive thyroid which he’d had for 20 years. He’d had no symptoms and was still doing a full time very stressful job. He had chemo at home and responded so well, no side effects. Then a week after his 57th birthday he suffered a perforated bowel. I stayed in the hospital with him for 2 weeks and he came home. The scan then showed that everything was healed and the cancer was continuing to shrink. One week after that scan result he suffered another perforated bowel and passed away. I feel so sad for him more than anything. He was retiring January so we could spend the rest of our lives doing things we’d not had time to do. He was so excited for the next chapter of our lives and I feel so cheated, it’s all he talked about in the last year. It had never occurred to me that this would ever happen , he swam a mile a day and was so fit and healthy, or appeared to be. I just can’t believe that I may have potentially another 30 years without him at my side, it’s simply incomprehensible to me. Every day is just the same as the day before that or the day before that.
I understand how you feel and what you are going through. I lost my beloved husband on 23rd November 2024 to penile cancer. We found out on 22nd October, 3 days after our 22nd wedding anniversary.
I only had 4 weeks with him from the diagnosis.
Im not much for advice but being on here helps.
He had just turned 50 in june, like you I feel like ive been robbed of 30 or 40 more years with him.
I’m so sorry, I absolutely feel your pain. There’s not actually anything anyone can say at this point, because there’s nothing that can make a difference is there. Just to know there are other people who actually understand the unbearable pain
Hi Lolly27
I feel cheated that i had the potential of another 20 to 30 years with my wife, who was due a liver transplant, and with me retiring in a few years, we could have a wonderful life together. We had so many plans, and currently i have no real idea how to re-start without her, not that i currently want to.
Telling friends and family that half of you has gone with them and that you feel dead inside is easy to say, but until you are in this position, you have no idea how devastating it really is.
I never really saw this loss coming. I thought she would be out of hospital by Christmas, but she went rapidly downhill and spent two weeks on a ventilator before passing. It is so painful and difficult to deal with.
I thought that my husband would come home from the hospice for xmas day, we made plans on the Friday, Saturday night he passed away. It was so sudden as he was doing ok in the morning.
Hi jrthorn
I’m so sorry. I agree with everything you’ve said about how you’re feeling. I feel almost like, you start to feel there may be the slightest glimmer of hope and then it’s pulled away as quick as a flash. It almost makes you feel stupid. I actually thought we were going to beat it, because I just couldn’t believe it was happening. I look at photos of a year ago and we’re smiling and laughing and having a lovely time, and I think, what an idiot I was to be thinking life was great, and little did I know what was on its way. How complacent can I have been?
We all get complacement. Comfortable in our own little lives, never thinking how quickly things can change. Why would you think the worst may ever happen?
It hits you like a train.
I know i can, and i must go on without her, i just don’t want to at the moment.
Why do we seem to lose all the best people far too soon?
That’s exactly what I say. My husband was honest, hardworking, loved his family. Always been an amazing husband and dad, so why? I don’t understand
Hi lolly 27. So sorry to for your loss.
I lost my husband in August 2024 he was diagnosed with terminal cancer in June 2024 completely out of the blue and a terrible shock still remember that day the doctor explained that it was in is liver, lungs and spine.
For months he had repeated chest infections and none of the antibiotics helped .
So by June he was really not well and was admitted to hospital and scans were done and that is when it was found. He remained in hospital and I was there for all the time he had left 8 weeks, such a mentally and physically draining experience, Jim was a bit older than me he was a fit and healthy 77 had retired and liked his hobby of wood carving and DIY.
We had both lost previous partners my first husband was killed in a driving accident in 2009 he was 49, so I was first widowed when I was 48 .
But this grief is totally different as I watched Jim for 8 weeks and nothing I could do . ( my first husband was very sudden crash while driving his lorry).
I am now 63 and just feel that the rest of my life was going to be with jim( we married 3 years ago). We didn’t have children ,Jim’s family never in contact his funeral was 4th September never heard from them since I fully expected that. My family not much in contact no support from any friends where I live life has changed so much the days are long and quiet just feel very much on my own it is a dreadful feeling . I think about Jim when he was in hospital what must have been going through his mind we never spoke much about his diagnosis, he was on medication and did sleep a lot he did think he was going to get home but that wasn’t possible as the cancer was so so advanced most of the time he was confined to bed.,
I have my dog for company and gives me a reason to get up in the morning and to face another day . Sorry for rambling I feel I can explain myself easier when putting it into words.
Hi Beachwalks
I’m so sorry. Never apologise for rambling. You have been through a horrendous time. You need to get it written down. To have to go through this more than once is absolutely unthinkable. I must admit it worries me when I think about what my husband must have been thinking. He never would have told me, because he would have thought he was protecting me.
Maybe you guys should write to your lost love ones.
I have found things really hard to say to anyone else, but i am able to write to my wife, and explain things to her, and tell her how much i still love her and miss her.
I bought a note book, and i do find it therapeutic to do, even though it often reduces me to tears.
I know it’s not for everyone, but may help, especially if you are coping on your own, with little support.
Thankyou, that sounds really useful actually . I’ll try anything
I am so sorry for each of you. Losing a spouse is just Earth shattering. We don’t lose half of ourselves, we lose all of ourselves. That person we were is no more. The life we knew is gone and absolutely no one knows what it is like unless they too have lost a spouse. It is a horrible club we didn’t ask to join and from which we can not resign.
There are no words to take away the fog in which we live which is just existing in confusion and sadness. We have mental and physical pain. Our bodies react to our stress, anxiety, depression, fear, and we are exhausted all the time. We can’t sleep and get overwhelmed easily. We live hour by hour and try to accomplish a few things each day. We try to remember what we need to do but can’t, so we have lists. Lots of lists. We makes mistakes. Lots of them, but none that can’t be fixed.
My darling husband died at home on September 24, 2024. I found him on the floor of our bedroom. It was not unexpected so to speak as my husband suffered with a very damaged heart and 2 inoperable aortic aneurysms. We were given a 2 to 5 year prognosis in late 2020. My world ended that day.
We had been through innumerable hospitalizations and surgeries for 19 years as his heart started to fail. He held on through it all and overcame all obstacles. This could not be fixed and would be fatal. When we passed 2.5 years, I just knew he would make it beyond all expectations. I wouldn’t accept anything less than a long life ahead with my husband.
HIs death shattered me even though I knew it could be any second, any minute, any hour, any day, of my life for the years leading up to the day.
My heart hurts for those of you who had unexpected and sudden loss. The shock of it all is so much to bear. This is a great place to share your experiences, it is full of very nice people who understand completely what has happened to you and what your are going through.
Much love.
I feel exactly the same as all of you. In my case, my husband was never ill. He barely saw a doctor in his lifetime. He got up 8 weeks ago on the Saturday morning, made some toast and we decided to walk to the shop.
.We got a little way down the road, he suddenly said he coudn’t breathe. I called an ambulance, my son got there first and we laid him the car . A passing nurse attempted CPR, while waiting for the ambulance. Thery tried everything, but he passed away with a pulmonary embolism. The last thing he did was told me he loved me. I had to ring my other son who lives abroad and tell him. We are still in utter shock. We had both taken early retirement just over a year ago. We were having a great time, and had so much booked for this year. I am sorry if I have gone on a bit but just trying to make sense of it. He was such a family man, hard working and loved us all so much. I lost my dad too at 67 to leukaemia, he had been with my lovely mum 50 years. I met my husband 40 years ago. Why is it always the good ones?
Hi Cloudysky
My wife, at the last time she was able to talk to me told me she loved and missed me, and i replied the same. I did not know at the time that it would be the last time.
I am glad that we got to tell each other.
She was my everything, my whole world.
She passed with people who loved her around her, which was good. She went on her last journey loved.
She lost so many people in her life (her first husband, her dad, one of her daughters, one of her brothers, and all of her uncles), that in some way i am glad she went before me, knowing she was loved. I would not have wanted to be the next person to leave her, if that makes sense.
I am sure she is still with me, but not physically having her with me, breaks my heart. She was such a kind and wonderful woman.
My husband was a loving husband too, he never cheated (like my dad). He was a hard working man, after spending 24 years in the army he looked forward to his retirement in 2022.
We bought our forever home and moved in and started to do it up, he would spend his days pottering in his work shop, and then last January was when the nightmare started with an infection, going backwards and forwards to the hospital and them no doing anything and sending him home.
October we found out about the cancer and 4 weeks later I held his hand as he took his last breath.
When we found out there was nothing they could do, it was like he gave up.
My husband was a big strong strapping Welsh man who loved his family and me. He was never sick in all these years except for a cold.
You never think you would lose your husband at the age of 50. Im angry with the hospital for not doing anything.
I’m so sorry for everyone. It seems that whether it was expected or a total shock, the outcome is still the same. And we are still in this awful position. Jrthorn, you say about being glad your wife went before you. I have also thought that. Knowing how sad I feel, I can’t bear to think of him having this sadness. And Poppet1973, I’m also furious with the hospitals, and doctors. I raised a complaint 7th October, because I had concerns and one week later my husband was gone due to what I’d complained about. I wonder how many other people on here experienced a lack of care
Hi Jrthorn, am so sorry. Am sure none of us ever thought we would be in this position . Hugs to you also Poppet. I too thought we had years left, so did he.
We live in a big village and over 160 people turned up at the funeral, some from way back from his school years. We had a big celebration of his life afterwards, and I hope I made him proud. I really miss him. I miss having a hug. He told me he loved me every single day and said that I had made his life. I hate seeing my sons so sad also. I wish I could make it better.
Hi Lolly27
Yes i believe that there were missed opportunities by the NHS, that could have saved her life, and i do get angry occasionally about it, but the anger will not bring her back.
She usually had really good treatment with the NHS so it is a hard one to balance.
I am not sure either, whether earlier treatment would have stopped her death.
At the end of the day, nothing will bring her back, so i don’t want to destroy my life further with anger. Losing her is bad enough.