Lost in grief and pain

Another day same upset and crying on and off most of the time. My husbands death was sudden and unexpected like a large number of others on this site. It has only been 3 weeks and just got PM so can now start to arrange funeral. Yesterday plants arrived for my husband which he had ordered the week before he passed. I was very upset but decided to plant them this morning when i woke up at 5am. I dont know much about gardening that was his hobby passion growing lots of vegtables and flowers. Have just got into house now total meltdown realise he is not coming back and i have to do things on my own.
I try to keep busy my auntie 79 was taken to hospital 2 days ago with chest and breathing problems hopefully this afternoon i can go visit if i feel better. X


I’m sorry you’ve had to join this club as it means you have lost someone amazing, like all of us.
3 weeks is early but I remember everything made me cry at the beginning. Everything I did turned into a major meltdown. The realisation of the loss, being dependant on yourself and knowing they are not there to turn to, is devastating.

I’m 21 weeks in tomorrow and life is getting better. The missing them I feel gets harder but I definitely get better days. It’s not all tears and all consuming.

I remember seeing posts in the early days, saying how it never gets better, it’s still a struggle and I found that hard to hear as I didn’t want to feel that crap every day.

But now, I don’t feel that bad every day, it still changes frequently from ok to not ok but it’s different. There are normal things in between, there are times of laughter and good moments.

It’s not all consuming. I still miss him hugely and that gets harder but it doesn’t cripple me like it did.

Over time we don’t get over it but as each week and month passes we learn to live with it a bit more.

I hope this helps @Galaxy75 . I remember the early days being so traumatic and I really didn’t know how I would do this. But we do. Being on here, meeting like minded people is hugely beneficial and helps a great deal


Thank you for your kind words.
I know i will never forget him and i need to hold on to the 37 years of memories we made together.
My daughter is in Australia so is on her way
home next week for the funeral so it will be good to see her but i wish it was not in these circumstances. We visted our family in Nov 2022 - Feb 2023 (3months away) so i will try to keep that happy time with daughter, son-in law and grandchilden in my heart.
Treasured time and memories xx


@Galaxy75 I’m so sorry for your loss. It really is early days for you. I lost my partner suddenly 21 weeks ago and totally agree with what @Ali29 has written. Life is getting better. The missing him and wishing it never happened part does not go away but the grief is no longer all consuming.
Just take things day by day, hour by hour if you need to. That’s how I cope with things.
Keep posting and reading on here. I’ve found this site a lifesaver. Unfortunately we are all here for the same reason. But knowing I’m not alone, I find does, help especially on the bad days.


@Ali29 I lost my lovely husband around the same time as you. Yes life is so different now and some days are better than other days. The rawness is replaced with a different pain. I go through waves of utter dispair and scream out loud and shout out. Our lovely men are robbed of their lives and us of our future plans and dreams.
When I read your posts I think you are such inspiration and give hope to the new people on this journey which we didn’t choose. Take care and Big hugs xx


Thankyou its always comforting to hear positive stories like yours .Its only 10 weeks in for me and ive lost count of how many times ive started crying in shops on buses could be anywhere .Thursday had a real melt down in a clothes shop id lost my bus pass in the shop .Luckily one of the girls found it .When Grey was here we went every where together .I just carnt function without him love hope 5 xxx


@Hazel.1966 Thank you! I appreciate that.


@Ali29 It really reassures me when others confirm that it is possible to feel a little better in time.

As you say it is really not helpful to hear people say that it never gets better but I appreciate that they are just being honest about their feelings and need to reach out for help and this forum offers a platform for that.

I’m 8 weeks in now and still nowhere near feeling any better but the fact that I’ve even kept going and functioning in this time is in itself something of an achievement. I just have to believe and hope that this awful early pain will recede in time. :heart:


@Minky67 I think feeling better really does depend on people’s circumstances. There are many people who have no one and that must be a challenge in itself without losing the only person who matters. I totally respect that everyone feels differently and everyone needs to express how they feel and it’s great to support everyone when they are not having a good day.

I found it very helpful at the beginning to hear that there was hope of a brighter future as to be in that amount of despair for life was more than daunting.

I kept a diary too, it’s good to read back on how I felt and how far I have come. Some days it can still feel I haven’t got that far but I have and I hope to keep going in the right direction.

My partner would also hate for me to be so unhappy.

You should also be very proud of getting this far. Some days are just so difficult but they can get easier and do.


You are right .My family live abroad apart from one fear friend who is older than me and has her own health problems im alone and beleve me it does make it hard .The more people you have around you who are supportive the better.Im 71 and think the rest of my life alone is a scary prospect ive got my cat and am taking my partners cat on so.most of my time is spent with them .:cat:xx


Sorry meant dear friend not fear friend xx


Well today i just gone into a meltdown ! I miss him so much ! Think its gonna take me longer to get over than you ! I just hate the world and everyone in it !! :frowning: i just want him back !! And i know i cant have him but he was so very important to me !! Xx


I don’t think anyone is over this @Deb5 . The process is so very hard for everyone no matter how short or long it’s been.
Every day is a challenge and we all get through it, one way or another x


I know exactly how you feel i am upset most days. The house were he passed away in still has eveything were he left it and will be for some time.
Take care and look after yourself


Debs I often have melt downs and there is no way that I am ever going to get over my husband. When I say I had better days I mean the rawness at the beginning of this horrendous journey. I feel such a deep intense sadness and every one grief is unique to them.
I miss my husband terribly and wish I notice that he had lost weight which I will never forgive myself for.
Sending love and big hugs xx


Yeh i agree the rawness goes but it is still so damn painful isnt it !!! :frowning: xx


Me too … i havent moved anything of his - i just cant !! Thanks for your kind words ! Bad day today ! Not that there any great ones tbf but you get through dont you ? Sometimes i cant wait to go to bed and sleepxxx