Lost lost lost 💔

In February 2019 I lost my beautiful boy just before his 16th birthday. I am now at the point where i simply do not know how to carry on. My world has crashed. Prior to losing my son my husband of 20 years left me for another women. I tried to adapt at the time, focused on keeping fit looking after my son at home and adapting to my older son now starting at university. I was doing okay. My son seemed to be too. I met someone online and almost rushed into a relationship, it was 2 years after my husband leaving. We moved house together and 1 year later my son passed away following a drug related death. He had a bad reaction to what was an accidental overdose he was with friends who he’d stayed with on a number if occasions and was away for the night during half term. The guy who sold the drugs was prosecuted and got a few years. I miss my son terribly and feel so guilty that i didnt protect him. I lost my father shortly after due to alzheimers. Then my husband filed for divorce and announced engagement just before the 1st anniversary of our sons death. I have slumped into the deepest depression and have struggled to function apart from working. I took on a new job following redundancy after 20 years service and worked from home since losing my son. I have gained 5 stone broken my ankle . My partner and i have had an awful time. He has been quite nasty and lacks understanding and empathy. He said in the first week when i cried at night Ffs how long is this going in for ? He has been the worst person to live with. He said i am obsessed by my son. I am preparing to get the house on the market and will live with my elderly mother. It feels like everything has compounded the ability to cope.
Im 54 and i once had a loving family with a home and now i have nothing. I have tried to help myself but i am now so desperate. Thank god i have lovely friends but worry that i am often sad. I dont want to share the extent of my failures there are limits. I dont want them to stop inviting me out etc. I am at rock bottom. I know this is a list and yes i am feeling sorry for myself as dont see a future

Hi @Lynne.1 ,

I’m so sorry to hear about your son, this is devastating. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are having a very difficult time with your own personal relationships while grieving for your son. This must be so very hard for you right now.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:


There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You may also wish to reach out to The Compassionate Friends - for families who have lost a child of any age. 0345 123 2304 https://www.tcf.org.uk/

You deserve care and support so please, @Lynne.1, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,

Thank you Alex.

1 Like