I lost my Mum 5 years ago and I still miss her so much. My husband doesn’t really understand as he still has his Mum. He says that I need to move on which I thought I had been doing. I go to work, look after my children and the house. He says I’m so negative all the time, glass half empty but I thought I was doing ok. Life will never be the same but I thought that I was doing ok. What he’s said to me and he said other family members feel the same has knocked me for six. I don’t know what more I can do. The shine has been knocked off my life but I thought I made an effort. Christmas is hard without her and isn’t the same but I didn’t think I spoilt Christmas for others. My husband said because they all know how I feel it impacts them too. I just don’t know what to do, how to do things differently.
Hi, my heart goes out to you, it’s very true if you haven’t experienced bereavement of somebody close, especially your Mum, you have absolutely no idea how it affects you, your Mum is the one person who part of your life from before you were born, life is never going to go back to how it was before, you can’t just move on, you can learn to live a new sort of life, but you can’t forget that it’s happened and that you miss her dreadfully, it maybe that you need some counselling or even to see a GP for antidepressants, at least then your husband would see that you are attempting to do something about the situation, it sounds to me as if you are doing really well, sending love Jude xx
Thank you Jude. I have a twin sister and we lean on each other as we are both feel the same way. We do feel that we’ve made progress and so to be told that we haven’t is quite disappointing. We lost our Dad in 1996 and that was horrendous but nothing compared to losing our lovely Mum. We both looked after her at the end. Losing your last parent is a strange feeling. You’re now the top of the tree. We didn’t feel adult enough to carry on without her. We had so much more to learn.
I completely understand this! Iv gone through the same thing with my husband and his family (his mums side) I feel they don’t understand! My husband has his parents and his step dad also does and he’s the one who has really made things difficult for us all. I’m 2 and half years on losing my mum but apparently I should be ‘Over it now’ . Thankfully my husband is supportive of me and tries to help but his mums husband is a different story!! It’s been very tough and I think it always will be from now on. You certainly learn to know who truly cares about you and your mental health. And who does and does not have compassion.
I can only hope you find the support you need and deserve. X
Thank you for replying. I’m so sorry to hear that like me people just don’t understand how it feels. It was Mum’s anniversary a few days ago and I met up with my brother and sister and they still feel the loss as much as I do. March is a hard month as Mum’s birthday is next week then of course there’s Mother’s Day. Just one event after another but my husband said at least we get it out of the way all in one go but it’s just too much. After seeing my siblings and talking it over with them at least I don’t feel that what I feel is unusual. I hope by us both using this forum, it can help us both to feel that other people are going through the exact same thing as us and it can help x
Hi, I lost my mother six years ago and the pain is still really raw. I think you learn how to cope with the loss as time goes on but it is a painful journey. The more you loved the person the greater the pain so it can be a bit overwhelming. People who don’t understand haven’t been through major loss so can be a bit insensitive. Some of them are best avoided. You just have to keep on going one day at a time.
Thank you so much for replying. It is difficult when people don’t understand what a huge loss losing your Mum is. It is even harder when that person is the one you’re supposed to be the closest to. I posted on here because I was made to feel that how I felt was wrong. After reading the comments to my post it’s made me think that how I’m feeling is normal and you are so right the more you love someone the more you miss them. I really do appreciate you taking time to reply to my post.