Lost mum 6 weeks ago

I lost my mum to stage 4 lung cancer 6 weeks ago, she was only diagnosed 5 months previous. I am really struggling as I have gone back to work and I just can’t stop crying. I miss her so much as she was my best friend. My nanna also passed in October with covid so I have lost the 2 most important ladies in my life.
I keep having awful panic attacks and feel like I can’t get my breath, im so tired as I cant sleep, just want this pain in my chest to go away. Then I’m struggling in supporting my 3 children with how I feel and that also makes me sad. Sorry to ramble.

Dear Cloggers24,

You are not rambling at all. It is good you have come to this site. The feelings you describe are the reality of grief. You have lost, as you say, the 2 most important ladies in your life. I remember too well how I felt the months after I lost my mum.

I can totally understand that you are struggling. You are dealing with your own feelings, and at the same time you are having to do a job and you are trying to support your children. How old are they? My son is 17 and he lost 3 grandparents in the last 4 years. Recently my mother-in-law died of the same disease as your mum, also 5 months after her diagnosis.

Are your employers and your colleagues aware of your situation and are they supportive? I felt unable to work for a few months after my mum died (I had already lost my dad the year before) and both my employers and my GP were very helpful. I had a combination of annual leave, sick leave and compassionate leave until I felt able to return to work.

Grieving takes a lot of energy. Not being able to sleep will make things so much worse. Are you able to get at least a few hours of sleep or none at all? Also, are you able to eat enough to get the energy you need?

Panic attacks are something that several people on this site have mentioned in their posts. It can be very scary. After my dad died, I used to lay awake at night with my heart racing like mad. When I saw a GP I was told that it was all the adrenaline in my system. She checked me over, reassured me and recommended some herbal tablets and to try and look after myself.

Have you looked at the NHS website to see what you can do when you have panic attacks? There is lots of helpful advice on there, or you could try and contact your GP to ask for advice.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you will find ways to reduce your struggle and get some much needed sleep. Take care and post on here as often as you want.