Hi, This is my first time on here. I lost Mum 8 months ago and the grief today is as strong as though it was yesterday. I S
I’m sorry I disappeared before finishing writing this post. It’s hard to talk about. I was so close to my Mum and I miss her so much.
Mum had mild dementia and a physical disability so was in a nursing home. But I visited all the time and spoke to her on the phone multiple times a day. I never let anything bad happen to Mum, I watched like a hawk, I went with her to every single appointment, I made sure she had everything she needed, that she was well cared for … Then she had a fall and broke her hip but because of covid restrictions I was prevented from being with her (which I would have been 24/7), There was a delay to the op because of an error in A&E, she was in tremendous pain, when she came out of hospital she had multiple horrifying pressure sores (that would never have happened had I been there), she also had severe delirium so couldn’t communicate with the staff and they didn’t understand her. She just asked for me constantly and could not understand why I wasn’t there. But I wasn’t allowed to help her or even see her. She stopped eating. After all that she had a massive stroke and passed away. I am grateful that I was finally allowed to be with her the day she passed and was with her when she passed. But I’m not sure I will ever get over not being allowed to support her through her ordeal.
I have an amazing photo of her which I took when we went to a coffee shop, one of our favourite things to do. I look at that photo and remember the good times. I hope that eventually those will replace the horrible ones of her experience after the fall.
I haven’t posted on here before but I just wanted to reach out to you because your experience is somewhat similar to mine.
My mum died 5 months ago. She was 93 and I think her time had come. But last August she was admitted to hospital and was there for five weeks. It wasn’t Covid but because of the restrictions I wasn’t allowed to visit. The hospital finally allowed very limited visiting and I was horrified by how much she had deteriorated. She had stopped eating and wasn’t mobile anymore. When she had had spells in hospital before I was with her all the time, helped her to eat and even took food in to tempt her. Mum and I lived together and after a month she came home but died 6 weeks later.
Mum was my best friend. Like you and your mother we loved trips to coffee shops. Five months on the pain is almost as raw as it was on the day she died. I wish there was something positive I could say other than that you aren’t on your own.
Just want to wish you well and send hugs,
Thank you so much. I really appreciate your reaching out and the hug. It means a lot.
I’m sorry for the loss of your dear Mum. You must miss her very much.
Our stories are very similar aren’t they. Oh so sad.
I am glad that I came on here. People are able to tell their real stories. My friends have been kind but have the sanitised version. On here people are able to reveal the real story and heartbreak. Way above ‘positive’ words it is hearing those stories and being able to reach out to one another that is the blessing. Thank you for being there. x
Hello to both Danson and Carol, I am pleased that you have found this site but even more that you can feel free to tell your story because it really matters not only to you but others with similar stories.
I feel horrified by the thought that we are not allowed to be with our loved ones due to the restrictions, I do understand why but it hurts to know that you can’t be there.
You both seem to be extremely sensible and I know you will get through this painful time and have learned from the experience but right now that seems an impossible task.
Yes big hugs are what we all need and want so I am sending very big hugs to you both and also strength to aid you on your journeys. Look after yourselves blessings and hugs being sent.
Thank you too.
Thank you Susie. That is such a lovely and supportive message and I appreciate it.
Really appreciate your kind words.
Thank you for your kind message. It’s now 6 months since Mum died and I still find it very hard. I try to keep up a cheerful face to friends and family but Mum was my best friend and a wonderful companion.
I’ve just planted out a few little summer bedding plants in the tubs in the back garden and this was the first time I’ve bought the summer bedding without Mum coming with me and choosing them. Every time I do a bit of gardening I think of how Mum used to come to the window and make the T sign and how when I came in there would be a cup of tea or the teapot with the cosy on it. I was so lucky that she was able to do that despite her great age and mobility problems. She was always so caring and used to say ‘isn’t it time you came in’.
Sorry to ramble on. I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. Sending hugs.