Lost mum and dad

Losing a parent
#1

Hi everyone.
My dad got taken into hospital at the end of March, with sepsis and was then diagnosed with covid 19. 8 days later my mum was taken into the same hospital with pneumonia, and diagnosed with covid too.
Mum passed away 4 days later. The nurses managed to move mum next to dad and she died peacefully next to him.
Dad was discharged from hospital a week later, with palliative care. Dad died exactly 2 weeks after mum.
Yesterday was their joint cremation and small service at the funeral directors (due to covid restrictions).

Yesterday was the first day I cried for dad. Today I can’t stop crying.
I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to carry on?

I have a 5 year old, she has some grasp of what’s going on but mum had dementia and was pretty scary for my daughter. We have only just moved back to the uk in August so I don’t have a group of friends I can rely on here. I feel so alone.

#2

I am going through exactly the same .
If you want please message me .
Stuart

#3

Hi , I do hope you have been in contact with each other because that would be wonderful. Live can and is hard at times and to find two people going through the same experience should help each other to know you are not going mad. The whole grieving thing makes you feel alone and useless. Take care of yourselves. Blessings S

#4

@Zoez @Stu52 I’m so sorry for your losses i really am. A few things I can say. Talk to someone whether it be on here, friends, family or a professional; I’ve done them all. It’s crap, life is unfair and unkind, but although it doesn’t feel it now it can also be beautiful and awe inspiring. I’ve lost both my parents in the last year and had a serious motorbike accident (broken back and more) but friends, family, counselling, my garden, crafting and a bit of wine are making the good days not so bad.

Find your reason for joy. Be kind to yourselves; some days all you do is cry, others you want to curl up and be left alone, others you forget what’s happened. As far as I can tell it’s normal… well no there is no normal, everyone deals in their own way. Don’t feel you have to conform, put on a brave face, fall apart… cope with it the way you need to. You’ve lost the biggest parts of your lives and it will never be the same again. No one can replace the people we have lost, but no one should. They were special and unique to you and will always be there and remembered.

Someone is always here to listen and they too have lost someone close that will never be replaced nor forgotten

Take care and be kind to yourselves

2 Likes
#6

I feel for your loss, i have also lost both of my parents, dad then mam, 12 month apart,

#7

What made things worse was my mum went from hospital to nursing home. Maybe that is where she got the virus.
Just wished we had got her home.
We all went everyday to see her , cannot be certain but that may be where my Dad pick up the virus from.
Having said that it’s a silent killer it could have been any family member who passed it on.
Did I do the right thing in calling for a ambulance for my dad? Should I have tried to help him at home.
Did he get more virus from the hospital?
How far do the medics go in treating patients with health problems and DNAR in place?
I’ve so many questions buzzing around in my head.
They are not normal times.
Maybe things will ease with time.
I find walking and riding my motorcycle help take my mind off the whole situation.
Feels strange I won’t see my mum &dad again.

#8

Zoe and Stu - I’m so sorry about your losses. I lost my Mum to covid19 on good Friday. Like Stu I have so many questions going round and round in my head. She lived in her own retirement flat and I just don’t know how she caught it. Did she even catch it from the paramedics (who wore no PPE) the first time of 3 times they were out to her before she was taken into hospital. Or did she catch it somewhere else? Did the hospital remove the ventilator treatment because they needed it for someone else? - and why wasn’t I included in that conversation on FaceTime when the Doctor told Mum her treatment would stop? - did she know what was happening ? why were we told she would die within the hour once treatment was removed but she died 3 days later. so many questions, round and round in my head, usually in the early hours. Should I take comfort that I’m not alone in feeling like this? - no because I don’t want anyone else to be feeling like this but every day I see the numbers of deaths go up I know that others will likely be asking themselves the same questions as I. What a terribly sad time for so many x

#9

Hi Karen,
I’m sorry to see you recently lost your mum to covid 19.
I lost my mum suddenly last june, so way before this virus but I still have questions that go round and round in my head 11months later. Should I have noticed mum was ill? We lived together and I didnt. I feel so guilty. Should the doctors have discharged her from hospital on the 7th june saying that she just needed aspirin for 12months following her mini stroke on the 2nd. She suffered a sudden brain haemorrhage on the 13th. Why was mum still alive the following evening when they told me she would pass within a couple of hours the day before? Why didnt the doctors know my mum was ill?
The point is that I think you would have those questions irrelevant of what your mum died from. I think it’s just part of grieving and shock.
You could approach the hospital and ask for a meeting to address your concerns. I thought about it and then decided that it wouldn’t bring mum back and would just keep opening the wound. It’s good to talk on this site though and I have noticed more and more people joining with covid 19 as the cause of death.
Cheryl x

#10

Hello Dear Zoez
I have just joined the community and read your post and the replies. Your loss of your parents can be the greatest loss in anyone’s life. When we are young our parents are the center of our life and due to a unique biological relationship, our dependence on them and the natural feeling we have that they will always be there. As we grow into our teens we go to funerals and it hits us that our parents will not always be there, but we do not want to accept that. Our young minds find this something to mask off as it cannot be reconciled with life. As we grow older we become philosophical about it or attach ourselves to the ideas of others hoping for some comfort. Even this continues into old age where the memories of the good times are cherished. There are reasons for believing the fact that death is not natural as some say. Our brain capacity has the potential for an eternity. It was not designed for just 70+ years. People
want to love life love others and be loved. This wonderful Planet is the natural place for those desires to grow and be fulfilled. Our first parents had the opportunity to enjoy this without end. Something went wrong at the beginning and the human race is still trying to cope with the emotional, mental and physical strains we find ourselves in. But there is real hope for a change Zoez.
There is to be reversing. The Bible calls it the Resurrection. Some will be to heavenly life to be in the new government as kings with Christ. The majority will be given new bodies like they had before when the were fit and young with their memories. This will enable them to remember their parents, relatives, friends and children if they had any. Tears of joy will replace the great sadness we suffer now. And everlasting life will be offered to everyone if they want it. A Bible passage in the Psalm 37 verses 10,11 and 29 promises these changes. There is much more that can be said and no doubt these thought will raise questions. My email address is [edited by admin] if you wish to contact me. Kindest regards and Christian love, Allen

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