Lost mum and trying to cope

Hi everyone
We lost our lovely mum very suddenly and unexpectedly on NYE. She had a severe spontaneous abdominal bleed.
I feel very overwhelmed with the grief and worried about the future especially how to support my dad. They were together for 62 years and he absolutely doted on her, he’s so lost and just keeps saying he’ll die of a broken heart and selfish as it might be I just could not cope with losing him too.
Also feeling angry that the hospital could have done more and that we’re likely going to put a complaint in.
I’m currently taking time off but worried how I’ll ever feel ready to return to work. I’m an NHS mental health nurse working in a primary care setting and I get lots of referrals to support people experiencing loss and grief,I just know I’m not going to be able to support others for a while yet. I’m also feeling very let down from the very organisation I work for due to their negligence.
Feeling completely overwhelmed with everything,I knew it would hurt to lose a parent but wasn’t prepared for it to feel all consuming. I wake each day and the pain just hits me all over again. I know it’s still very early days and time will help but I just cannot see a way forward right now.


Hi @Cazz so sorry for your very recent loss. Everything will be very raw for you in these early days so please just prioritise coping in the here and now. Don’t worry about work, you’ll need time to adjust to what has happened. I can understand your fears about your Dad but all you can do is support each other as a family. Grief is so complex and even though you have professional experience, I’d imagine it is no easier. The loss of a much loved parent is devastating. My Mum died nearly a year ago and I could never have imagined how painful it would be. Be kind to yourself, take care xx

1 Like

Hi Cazz,
I echo everything Rosie pink says . I lost my mum a year ago and whilst the gut wrenching crying has eased it is still difficult. Take your time and forget about work for now. Get signed off by your GP.
I too feel the hosp could have done for for my mum and still a year on feel so angry about them. I understand how you feel
Take small baby steps right now and just try to get through each day. Keep as strong as you can
Deborah x


Hey Caz,

I lost my Mum on NYD so very in a very similar place to you on the grief timeline.
It was not sudden but it was very fast, just 2 months and it came out of nowhere.

I relate to what you said about feeling let down by HCPs, several of them failed my Mum and didn’t get her referred for a scan, she was so poorly for 2 months prior to diagnosis and suffered horrendously.

I’m sorry for your loss, here for you. X

Hi Cazz, I also lost my mum at the end of last year and I’m really sorry to hear you’ve lost yours so recently too. The early days are awful and raw and overwhelming, and like someone else said you have to just look after yourself and coping with the here and now, don’t look too far ahead. Things have a way of resolving themselves with time, for now focus on you x


I am so sorry for your loss. Its weird how much I can relate to you. I lost my mum to cancer in October, she was only 51 and I feel the hospital made so many mistakes with my mums care. We are putting in a complaint too. I am also a mental health nurse working in primary care. We manage people in crisis and often have to deal with issues like grief often. I understand the anger towards the organisation you work so hard for.

I can relate to your gut wrenching pain and I know you are just trying to survive right now. It’s difficult but you can only take things one day at a time. Give yourself permission to feel however you feel. I know you’re worried about your dad. All you can both do is hold on to eachother right now and muddle through the best you can. Dont even think about work. I took 3 months off and I have only just gone back last week. Right now, work is a good focus and distraction for me and gives me a moment where I am not just thinking about mum constantly. I have a good team where my colleagues are also friends so that helps.

I am still in the thick of grief so I don’t know how to help to be honest. All I can say is that even though I am still heart broken, 3 months on and I am having some moments of light in the dark. Take all the time you need to yourself but rely on others too, its ok to need some help.

Sending you my love x


Such lovely words.
Agree with all you have said especially the work bit
Deborah x

Hi Cazz
So sorry to hear about your mum, my mum died just over 4 weeks ago from a spontanteous bleed related to the liver cancer she had, it was an awful distressing way to go.
Grief is so hard and its different for everyone, at first i cried myself to sleep every night but now i cant cry but just lay there not being able to sleep. Some days im just numb and not sure how i feel. Im not eating properly and waves of emotion sweep over me each day. Ive been signed off from work so i suggest you deff do the same to give yourself time to work through your grief. Im due bac at work next week but still dont feel ready, i work in retail on a fashion department and so interaction with customers is key and i dont feel able to handle that yet. As for your dad, all i can say is be there for him, comfort him and talk about your mum as much as you can, try to focus on all his wonderful memories, let him talk and just listen. Take little steps together in what ever time you both need. You’ve lost your amazing mum and he has lost his one true love, its amazing that they had 62 wonderful years together not many people get that lucky.
I hope you can find your way together
Big hugs :heart:

1 Like