Lost Mum- funeral was last week

Hi everyone.
I’m 23 and lost my beautiful Mum on 6th Jan. She was 53, and had a stage 4 brain tumour- we had no idea until Feb 2019 when she collapsed and they found it. We knew the prognosis was poor but we thought she would be one of the very few who lives for years post-diagnosis. My poor mum had such awful luck through her illness, and it just felt like every few weeks there was another piece of bad news - the tumour caused blood clots in her lungs, she had awful head swelling after the op, the chemo didn’t work, she had 2 lumbar punctures and 2 shunt insertions, she was in and out of hospital with terrible blood and iron levels etc. It was just endless. She spent 30 years working as a hospice nurse, looking after everyone and this is the hand she was dealt. It’s so unfair. Her wishes of spending the last couple of weeks at the hospice she had always worked at never happened- mum died at home suddenly, from what we are sure was the blood clots in her lungs. I think I’m still in shock as we knew it would be probably a month or two left, but definitely not then. I’d FaceTimed her half an hour before she died. Her funeral was last Thursday and up until then I thought I was doing okay but the last couple of days it’s all started to hit me. My brother and my dad have both gone back to work and I physically couldn’t face it so I’m still off. But I just feel SO lost, I don’t know where to put myself. I feel so tearful and angry and I don’t want to see anyone except my dad and my brother. Even seeing my mums parents and sisters too much, and even my boyfriend. I just want to lock myself away. I slept all afternoon today so I didn’t have to speak to anyone. I just wanted to see how people who’ve been through this actually get through it, it just seems so all-consuming since the funeral and it’s too much. I’m sorry for rambling I’m just feeling so empty and lost. I’m so angry that I’m only 23 and I have no more days with the only person that ever truly understood me. She’ll never see me get engaged, or married, or have children, or start my dream job that I’ve just been accepted to. It’s so unfair, why MY mum? It’s awful to happen to anybody, but I can’t help but feel like why my mum. Why my family. I feel like the road I’m on has just ended and I don’t know which way to go.

Hi rach
I’m so sorry to read about your mum.
I lost my mum suddenly last year to a brain hemorrhage. She was only 74.
I lost my dad when he was 53 to a massive heart attack. I was 27.
I got through by spending alot of time with my mum.
Hopefully you can do the same with your dad and brother.
Its been 7 and a half months since my mum died and I still struggle being with people other than my partner and child. I get upset seeing my sister as my mum was always with us.
I get upset seeing my sisters children as my mum can no longer see them growing up.
It’s very hard and I can only advise that you take things one day at a time and please dont rush back to work. I had 3 months off when my mum died and I was of no use to anyone during that time.
Cheryl x

Rach, your story really broke my heart. The fact your amazing Mum was a hospice nurse caring and supporting others for years had such a terrible time herself then to be taken at 53 :cry: why these things happen to beautiful people is beyond comprehension. I lost my mum in October, she wasn’t in good health and at 88 wanted to go then 3 weeks after she passed my Husband suddenly took a massive heart attack and was gone :sob: I still can’t believe it. After Colin died all I wanted was my Mum to comfort me and she was no longer here . Like you I question why this has happened, we are not bad people. I feel like I am being punished for something :cry: keep getting your feelings out on here it will help you a bit to chat to folk in the same boat as yourself. Do what you need to do to get through the day, don’t be a people pleaser, it will take you a long time to get through this there is no right way and no wrong way, whatever works for you :+1:
V x

Your story really broke my heart. The sheer bloody unfairness of it. I completely get it when you say “why her”. What had she ever done apart from look after people. The good ones always go too soon. I know that doesn’t help. I’m nearly 6 months down the line. You start to learn how to manage the pain I guess. Not all the time. It goes up and down. Bad days. Terrible days. Some slightly better days. Days of numbness days of howling in dispair. But I guess the rawness starts to numb a little and you find you can do things you once didn’t want to or couldn’t do. Slowly very slowly. You start to see little improvements then you go back 2 steps. But then another day you might take a few more steps forward. Talking really really helps. I go to a counsellor. And I’ve realised it’s the easiest money she has ever made as she doesn’t get a word in. But I always feel better after

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much it really does mean a lot. I just feel so angry- how can there possibly be a God if this is what people who give their lives to others are dealt. I honestly don’t want to do anything except lie in bed, and anyone who tells me to get up and do something does so at their peril at the moment! My boyfriend, bless him, he’s so sweet but he wants me to pop round and see his family with him to cheer me up but I just don’t want to. It’s exhausting putting on a brave face, and honestly I don’t want to go and burst into tears and make everyone feel awkward. I’ve had enough of the ‘how are you feeling?’ Police- it’s all I’m asked. How do people think I’m feeling? Sorry I think I just needed to vent! Can’t help but think nobody understands unless you’re going through it or have gone through it. I don’t want to talk to anyone or be cheered up, or for anyone to give me a hug I just want to be on my own. Is this normal? I don’t know how to feel anymore xx

Rach,
Its been 8 months next Friday since my mum left me and I don’t want to see anyone. I’m on a run of days off and all i have done is housework, food shopping, go for a walk on my own in between catching up on silent witness and love island.
I turn down all offers of meeting up with friends and I have a drink arranged for the 15th feb which I know now I’m not going to turn up for.
All I want is my mum. I have never been so unsociable and miserable in my life. My mum would be very angry to see me like this but I cant help it.
So, to answer your question. You are normal and fan expect to feel like this for some time.
Cheryl x

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