My mum became very ill with covid over Christmas, and she passed away in hospital in January, just under a week after her birthday. I live abroad so the last time I saw her in person was for her birthday in 2020, when I visited just before the pandemic. We were in touch on the phone all year but it is not the same.
My uncle was taken into the same hospital with covid a week after mum, and he was in the bed next to her about to be ventilated while I was saying goodbye to my mum, which was almost unbelievable. My aunt went into hospital a few days later (also covid), and she has recovered now.
I understand that I was lucky to be able to see my mum, even though she was completely sedated and wasn’t aware of me being there. But it has been a huge shock and I feel like all my emotions have gone missing. I lost my dad when I was a teenager and I have just turned 30 last September. I was screaming and crying when she was in hospital, and now I just feel so empty and lonely and like everything is pointless.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum, the pandemic is ripping families apart, what you are feeling is absolutely normal, I do hope you have family and friends supporting you, you are so young to have lost both your parents, I lost my Mum when I was 40 and I railed against the world for a long time, I was so jealous when I saw other people out with their Mums obviously older than mine was when she died, I think it’s also true you don’t realise how important your Mum is until she has gone, you will get through this eventually, take a day at a time and be kind to yourself, sending love Jude x
I am sorry to read about your losses (whilst desperately trying to find other people who are going through this) yet I take no comfort in your pain. I’m deeply sad for you.
My mum died of covid on New Year’s Eve. She was 64 and was at home. Both my parents contracted it and we were worried about my dad as my mum seemed to be well, little did we know her oxygen levels were slowly and silently reducing, when my dad recovered we were just waiting for my mum to catch up. We talked lots during her illness and I have taken comfort in knowing she didn’t know how ill she was, our last chat was planning future holidays and then she died peacefully with my dad at her side when she went to sleep. When I got that phone call I expected to be told she’s going into hospital not that she had died. I replay it over all the time and can’t make sense of any of it.
I just can’t believe any of this is real. It’s so unfair. She was full of life and it was so sudden. I’m so sad that we no longer have her, my dads life has completely changed and everything she will miss out on that we should share together.
It’s so hard when everyone around you is talking about getting back to ‘normal’.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It must have been such a huge shock. I empathise with the replaying of everything over all the time, you’re right - it just doesn’t make sense does it?
My mum also loved life, and was excited to move house soon after Christmas. I’m finding myself feeling sad on her behalf, if that makes sense? I feel guilty for still being alive and she isn’t. It’s not fair.
At the moment I feel that things will never be “normal” for us in the same way that they will be for those who come through the pandemic without losing a loved one. We will support each other and move forward as best we can, but I have no idea what “normal” will look like, I just know that mum is missing from it.
There is definitely some comfort in knowing we are not alone (when most people’s focus is when can I get to the pub). So sorry for your loss, it’s no age is it.
All the life they will miss out on, it’s so unbearably sad isn’t it.