Lost Mum to cancer

We lost my beautiful mum 3 weeks ago to cancer. She went from a vibrant, healthy 70 year old to passed over 18 months later.
We had to watch her decline and we helped her through her last hours which was heartbreaking.
Even though we knew she would only be with us at most a few years after the diagnosis and she couldn’t do all the things she used to do, during the 18 months, it is still devastating when they leave you.
She was always there for everybody and she was like a best friend as well as a mother, grandmother, wife, sister and aunt. She was like a mother to so many people including my wife and my friends. It is devastating that we will never be able to see or talk to this person who had been in your life since you were born, I’m 49. I have so many emotions - guilt at not spending more time with her, anger at why she had to be taken away, sadness, numbness, pain at the way she suffered, emptiness, the list goes on…

It does help to get these words out. Thanks for listening.

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Dear @Phil-73

Welcome to the Community and thank you for opening up and sharing this with us all. I am so sorry for the loss of your mum.

Grief has a rollercoaster of emotions and you will have good days and bad days. This is normal and part of the grieving process and you are in the early stages of grief. Please be gentle with yourself. We are all guilty of not spending enough time with our loved ones but unfortunately our lifestyle means we are not always able to.

Sue Ryder has recently launched a Grief Self-Help Service which may help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

You can also connect with members of the forum who have had similar experiences by typing Losing a Parent in the search bar.

We are here for you anytime. Please continue to reach out, you are not alone.

Take Care.


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Thankyou for the kind words Pepsi.

Hi Phil

Those feelings you describe will become less raw in time I assure you.

Don’t expect it to be a quick fix though. My mum died suddenly 3 years ago last week and I still get the terrible feelings of loss and sadness but the guilt and regret have almost gone.

I was 48 when my mum died and I’m still lost without her but the feelings of guilt and regret that I carried with me the first year or so have definitely been replaced by feelings of sadness that she isn’t here to see us, her grandchildren and generally enjoy her life.

My mum was 74 and I have a photo of her on her 70th birthday looking so vibrant and happy. She was still like that till about a year before she died but I can see now how she declined. She had a sudden brain haemorrhage and died within hours but her PM revealed lots of health issues that we didn’t even know.

Time will definitely help and in the meantime do what you need to in order to cope.

I’ve had to accept that I’m a very different person since I lost my mum.


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It is my Mum’s funeral tomorrow. I feel I have gone backwards in the last few days as we get nearer to the funeral. I generally just feel so empty without her, and miss her smily face. I think the loss of a mother gives you anxiety about the future, you’ve lost that one person who always looked out for you, and now you’re out on your own. Hopefully things will get better.

Thanks all for listening

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Phil 73

I hope today went as well as can be expected.

Things will get better but it will take time.

Cheryl x

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