I lost my mum 2 months ago to ovarian cancer. I am 30 years old and I don’t know anyone in the same position as me which makes the experience all the more isolating as all of my friends still have both parents.
No one can relate or truly understand how I feel and I have many thoughts and emotions running through my head.
Nothing feels worth doing anymore such as getting married and having kids as I know I’ll never have my mum at any of these events. I never once seen my life or future without my mum in it and its still unbelievable to me.
Thanks for reading, please get in touch if you have similar circumstances x
Hello @Jen6, I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for sharing with us; as you say, it can be hard when our friends haven’t lost a parent. But here you will find that many of our members will understand what you are going through right now. We have a range of personal stories from people who have experienced the loss of their mum on our Grief Self Help platform that you might find it helpful to read through too.
Hi Jen, Hope you’re ok lovely? I’m Steve and I lost my Mum (Mam) very unexpectedly, quickly and quite frankly disgustingly to Liver cancer back in October last year. It feels like a lifetime ago already despite it not even being a year ago yet… Like you, my Mam was not only to me my absolute rock & best friend, but she was also the person who unwaveringly despite anything, was the one who was there for me no matter what…She was the cement in our family and the thing that kept it all together……For my Dad and husband of 52 years, for me, for my two older sisters, for my younger brother and also for her 7 grandchildren who she adored as they did they her…
I really struggle with the uncontrollable and unexpected waves of emotion that I experience on a daily basis, that range from extreme anger, emptiness, loss, grief and just generally not being able to comprehend or accept what has happened…
Having decided to move back in with my Dad since Mam passed, I also now really struggle with the huge feeling of loss my Father is experiencing & this adds massively to the feeling of grief for me I feel at the moment too.
I definitely think everyone deals with grief & loss differently, but I personally take a huge amount of comfort from speaking to people who have been through or are in the same position as me but also from tending to my Mams grave (as it was something she asked me to do before she went ) I also spend a lot of my time looking through the many hundreds of old photos we have of us all that I’m now extremely thankful my Dad took as we grew up. These now form a massive part of the perfect memories I have of the most wonderful and perfect Mother I could have ever wished to have been blessed with…
Stay strong, stay positive, keep the fantastic memories of your Mum alive always…
And most importantly….
As I do……
Just remember when you feel down
”What would Mum say/want you to do and feel now?” xx
Thank you for being so open and honest. Reading other people’s experiences really does help a lot and makes me feel not so alone. I’m so sorry about your mum also, it’s a horrible place to find yourself in. I feel so changed as a person in ways I’m still trying to figure out. I also moved back home with dad even though I have another 2 siblings living there. I feel like I have needed to be home to be nearer mum with all of her things around. We have also been obsessed with mums grave making sure it’s bright and colourful even though there are days that it’s very painful to be standing there looking at her name on a grave plaque. We have all been trying to get through each day with that exact mantra “what would mum want”. It can be hard cus you just want mum here to tell you. Death is the strangest experience to adjust to, doesn’t feel real.
I have just joined this site and read your message and is so nice to know someone else feels the same. I lost my mum 10 years ago now but seems like it was a couple of years. I was 33 when it happened and my mum is my best friend and sole parent as my father was not around so losing mum was losing everything and made me an orphan. The marriage and kids things I totally get I don’t have anyone to give me away or have a mother of the bride or father of the bride and it is heartbreaking. I lost a baby when I was 25 and was planning a wedding and family before mum passed but then my life changed. I developed complicated grief and was in what I call a mental coma for 6 years and can’t hardly remember anything during that time. I now am scared of life and what it can bring and is an awful situation to be in. I have been additionally diagnosed with PTSD anxiety and depression and life can be very tough but there are some light bits. Take care of yourself
Thanks so much for replying, it means a lot. I’m also so sorry about your mum, we are both in the saddest situation. And also your father, sending so much love and strength to you. What is complicated grief? I am still trying to take it each day at a time but my mum fills my thoughts the majority of the time. She’s the first person I think of when I wake and the last at night. I recently went on a hen party which was a great distraction but when it was over it actually made me feel worse as I wanted so desperately to tell my mum about it and come home to her. I still think I’m in total shock at what had happened.