Lost mum weeks ago and now losing dad

I am just so sad. Elderly parents in late 80’s. Mum who was very Independant amazing lady had an accident 2 days after Christmas and sadly lost her fight to live on 4th January due to her head injury. The day after we told dad he just seemed to lose the will to live and has rapidly declined since. He has dementia and was living in care but fairly happy. He has now not eaten in weeks and is being looked after as end of life care now as he is so ill. I just feel I have spent the last 6 weeks of my life slowly watching the people I love dying. Dad is still hanging on but is barely existing never mind living a life and although I desperately don’t want to lose him in my heart I just wish he could have peace and be where he wants to be with mum. All so sudden but the grief just keeps coming.

Hi. LL. Welcome.
What can I possibly say to ease your awful burden. Very little. It sometimes happens we get posts here where there is a double event as you are having, and I can only imagine the pain. My wife had dementia at the end and I would not wish that on anyone.
You are in the right place and among friends and fellow sufferers. The grief will come and must be allowed to. This kind of suffering needs emotions to be expressed. Are you getting any support or help from anyone close? It’s a fact that dementia can be worse for a carer than the one suffering. Although my wife knew me she was living in a world of her own. And I do know exactly what you mean about your dad having peace.
Try and come back and talk whenever you want. There are many here who have been in your position and will be only too willing to support you. We may not be in direct contact with one another, but this site has helped me so much.
Blessings to you. You are in my prayers.

It is awful Loopyloo, I lost my Mum in October she was 88 and not in good health so it was expected. Dad is 91 and like yours is in a care home with dementia. When we told him Mum had passed he said ‘She’s lucky’ said he does not want to be here anymore and wants to join her but then the dementia sets in and he asks where mum is and why has she not visited him. The worst thing for me is that my husband took a heart attack suddenly 3 weeks after we lost mum leaving me devastated as you can imagine. Two of the most important people in my world gone and Dad asking continually where they are :cry: rubbing salt into the wound. It is so sad that your Dad has given up and you are having to witness it but you know what if he wants to be with your Mum who can blame him. They obviously loved eachother very much and if he doesn’t want to live without her that is understandable, I don’t want to live without Colin so I know how your Dad feels. I am sorry you find yourself in this sad situation but talking to people on here will help you as we are all going through the same things and it will help a bit to know you are not alone.
Sending you positive thoughts
V xx

It’s literally just hit me why I’m so sad. When you lose Your first parent you have the other for support. Sadly when mum died dad not only had dementia but also just gave up so 6 weeks on and been nursing him since and now he is in his last days all I really need is mum for support. Yes I have my husband and kids but that just is t the same as having your own parent there.

I lost my Dad April 2018, he was 74 but before his cancer diagnosis was super fit, cycled miles with my boys, a big strong man, my absolute rock. My Mum is 76 and was diagnosed with cancer last April just a year after, her prognosis was originally positive, however, things quickly changed and now she has just days to live and is a Hospice, you lose them long before they die, so I understand how you feel, they were not old and neither am I or my boys, I feel robbed of more time! My only real comfort comes from knowing there are others who understand. However grief is personal and belongs to you, I am going to try counselling to see if that helps me accept what is happening. X

Hi Helen
I am so sorry to hear about both of your parents. Yes 74 is too young when we expect to see them into their 90’s.
My dad died suddenly in his sleep 8 mos ago. Like your dad, he was fine. I played tennis with him 2 days prior. It makes no sense and we cant even try to understand how we have 0 control over the most important things in our lives.
Somehow we will get through this. How is your mom’s mental state? Is she alert and aware?
Ell

We got called into the Hospice last night at 11.45pm as they thought she was slipping away, her breathing stabilised but sat her now with her and know we’re nearing the end and I’ll never speak to her or here her voice again!! So devastated

Hi Helen,
I wish I had something comforting to say. Just sad for you and we dont even know each other.
Ell

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Hi helen,

I’m so sorry and I’m thinking of you

Cheryl x

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Having sat by my mum and watched her last breaths. I Am sitting here thinking of you. I know what you are going through. X

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So long since my starting post but things just got so bad I didn’t get a chance or though to do so. Well dad basically gave up after losing mum but was such a strong man and din’t want to leave me or his grandchildren and fought his battle longer than expected. He sadly passed away on 20th February, the day my world just fell apart. I know it was for th best as he had not eaten since mums death and never left his bed. Just heartbreaking spending 6 weeks slowly watching the man that was the rock of your life slowly fading away… So after almost 70 years together at least they were only apart for 6 weeks. Just feeling so low about it all as really wanted to try and get back to work and some normality and life has thrown this huge curveball at us that means life will be far from normal for a long time. So much time now to think and remember it is just making me feel so much worse.

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