Lost my 16 year old and struggling

Hi just lost my son suddenly on Christmas Day and struggling too see a way forward feels like part of me has gone for good at the moment I’ve never felt pain even close too this the loss is unbearable

Hi John I lost my son on the 20th of December and I agree with you the pain is unbearable along with the sense of half your soul being ripped out. I’m sorry you’re going through this that we all are. Time is standing still for us right now because how can we move forward when our sons aren’t here? But we don’t have to go through it alone. I’m here if you want to talk about your son or anything else. If I can be there for someone else it might help me as well. It’s an exhausting road to be on alone. :disappointed:

Hi Donna thank you for your reply and sorry too hear about your loss I’m broken I know exactly how you feel I was looking forward too the best Xmas we had ever achieved my last words with my son was he was telling me he’s so excited two sleeps till Xmas then Xmas day he’s gone 16 I’m still in shock I just didn’t think pain existed this bad I can’t function I think I’m also in a bit of denial at times too I think nah this hasn’t really happened then I wake up and I have too start another day of pain it’s so wierd it’s like I have too learn too put one foot in front of the other like I all of a sudden live in a new world that I’ve never been before

Dear John

I’m so sorry to read you’ve lost your son. I know your pain…the shock…disbelief…I literally looked for my son for months after he died. I just couldn’t believe he had gone for ever. When we went out at the beginning, I’d look at people hoping to catch a glimpse of him, that it was all a horrible mistake.

Henry died on the 20th October 2019.

I’m still here…I’m living…something I just didn’t think possible. I still have bad days…triggers that come from nowhere…but I’ve got used to it. I always say to myself it’s just today I’m not seeing him. Meditating saved me. Plus my husband, my other son, grandson, family and friends.
We all need and support each other.

Keep posting and talking- knowing others understand is a great comfort. You realise how you feel is “normal”

Take care. Big hugs


Be kind to yourself

Hi purple thank you for your words sorry for your loss my emotions are so raw and the shear feeling of loss is hard too take I hope in the future I can find strategies too help me but at the moment it’s been just a month and it feels like yesterday I’ve only just found this site and I’m hoping if I keep posting and talking it will help with the loss and anger and unfairness emotions that I have I just feel empty totally empty at the minute and like I say the pain is horrendous

I know exactly what you mean. A bomb’s gone off in your life and nothing makes sense. I had suffered some bad things before Henry died and I always coped because I had my boys.

The pain was actually physical and I remember worrying that I’d die from broken heart syndrome. Some days I wished I was dead so I’d be with Henry and not have to feel the pain or face the future without him. That was the grief consuming me. I have my other son, grandson, husband, friends and family. I wouldn’t want them to suffer anymore than they were…after all, they lost Henry too.

Meditating helped me calm those feelings- they are still there but they have slowly subsided. Not gone…sometimes I’m hit with waves of chronic grief and I cry a lot.

Tears are healing but the whole process is exhausting. There is no timeline to stick to…somehow time just softens things slightly.

Others on here have been so supportive and I’m forever grateful to have found this site. Keep in touch with us all.
I hope you have friends and family around you …Covid19 makes everything worse.

Warmest wishes

Hi again and thank you for your time too reply yes that just were I am at the moment like a bomb has gone off and yes I do have all those feelings your talking about a big part of me has gone and a big part of me wants too be with him he was a healthy 16 year old and we were talking about how excited he was for Xmas then within 48 hours Xmas day I’m saying good bye it just feels more than I can handle to be honest and same here I have family and wife and kids who I’m trying my best too be there for so I do have family and people and friends in my life it’s obvs all fresh and new so I feel destroyed at the minute but I thank you for your time

I agree John that it feels like living on a different planet entirely that we are different from everyone else and that we don’t understand them any more than they understand us. It is hard to go on even with other family I have another older son and a daughter to be strong for they lost him too as well as losing their father in October. But it’s a struggle because I’m not whole anymore. I’m curious if you’re struggling with a lot of anger right now. I have managed to alienate a couple of people who thought it would help to tell me “ hey life goes on” or “ it was meant to be” I’ve blown up and said things I would not normally say but I think my filter is broken and I can’t seem to help myself. Everything makes me angry and I’m not sure why. That’s why I’ve come looking for people to talk to. It’s hard when nobody understands but here they do. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. There’s nothing anyone can say to make this better for you but we can listen and understand because we’re going through it with you. :purple_heart:

Hi Donna your mail sounds like I could of wrote it yes I’ve had those comments and blown up at close family Donna I’m beyond angry he was 16 no ailments and my last words with him were him saying two sleeps too go dad and also we have just had his gcse English result thru from college and he smashed them but never got too see them oh and he is a twin so Donna I totally get what your saying with the anger I’m very angry not at family just angry not sure who at though and my son said that too me the other day it’s like having too learn not just the loss but living in a different world things you take for granted seem now new like your learning all over again at the moment Donna I’m just empty angry I suppose it all comes under devastated which is why I joined here becoz I have too go for a walk when I hear the comments you mentioned be strong time is a healer I know they come from a good place but I’m not ready for those comments yet if you know what I mean x

Hi John I imagine it’s harder for you because he was only 16 I can’t even wrap my head around that. My son was 25 still a baby to me but his choices made death a possibility. Not that I believed that not in my soul. I don’t know who I’m angry at either. No one everyone god myself I’m not sure but while I try to control my words with family( I know they are hurting too) not so much with anyone else even though I know they don’t mean any harm and really don’t know what to say I get more angry because they don’t know what they’re talking about and to me at least seem insensitive. But it does make it harder to function in society especially at my job where it’s getting harder and harder to bite my tongue and I need my job. So what do we do ? Does it ever go away I know it’s way too soon to worry about it. How is his twin doing? I wonder if he wouldn’t like to maybe talk to someone who’s lost a brother maybe it would help. If I can help let me know :disappointed:

Hi Donna yeah it’s been horrific tbh the age the date he’s a twin and his birthday is coming up he passed his gcse English and didn’t even get too see his results I could go on it’s just been horrific as I’m sure your situ is we shouldn’t go thru this your son was a very young man too it’s just so wrong and I know what you mean about people saying the wrong thing I get angry then sit and think we what can they say but it’s so tough when your angry at someone or something and you don’t really know who or what your angry at so people close too you feel it I think the job I’m off work at the minute I can’t face it tbh it feels far too raw and too soon too go back not with how I’m feeling atm and thank you for the offer too his twin I feel is keeping a lot in I talk too him every day but I do worry he’s not getting his emotions out I guess it’s still early so we will see how he goes tbh people say you have other kids you need too be strong and I know that but it’s hard enough too look after myself at the moment too x

Hey hope you’re ( there isn’t a word that I can come up with that fits here) I’m struggling today so not able to come up with any words of wisdom. But I did want to let you know that you can maybe find another site through this one for your son if needed. I’m sorry that this is happening to you to me to all of us it’s not fair and I don’t know if we can ever be ok again but I hope you keep working at it even as I’m trying to as hard as it is at the moment. Just know I’m pulling for you and I’ll keep posting as I hope you will. :cry:

Dear John

Shortly after Henry died, his cousin Oli took his own life. He was an identical twin. His brother Scott was totally broken- they were so close. His sisters too were devastated- well we all were on top of losing Henry it was so unexpected.

My brother, his dad, ended up paying for private counselling and also the gp prescribed something to help Scott cope. The thing was we had so much grief in the family that paralysis seemed to set in and speaking to someone independent of the family helped. It’s just a thought- it may not be right for your son and of course your circumstances are different but I thought I’d mention it.

Thinking of you.

Hi Donna bad day yet again today for me too I hope your feeling a little better I’m pulling for you too hope your getting the help you need We have signed up for some one too one counciling and group today we just aren’t coping atall so fingers crossed we get some help or start down that road anyway and tbh there is no words why any of us have too go through this is there it’s just horrific

Hi purple sorry too hear your story it’s just crazy the pain we are going through I’ve signed us up for some individual therapy and group so fingers crossed we atleast have started the ball rolling we just aren’t coping atall so we will see x