lost my aunt due to car crash

My aunt was recently killed by a drunk and disqualified driver. Her death was 6 weeks ago and her funeral was earlier his week. I can’t quite handle my emotions right now…I’m in disbelief. Even at the funeral, I was questioning if it was all real. Her ashes were buried today and now I do feel like this is really happening. She is no longer in the world. I find it unfathomable that she was here and now she is gone and how someone’s selfishness has taken her away from us. I feel like my heart will be broken forever. I feel that I can’t stop talking about it to my friends but they must be getting tired of me mentioning it every conversation we have as they aren’t going through this right now. I honestly feel so lost. My father in law said to me the other day, after the funeral…’now you can move on’. Comments like this really hurt me and can’t help but feel are a little dismissive. I know he wasn’t being mean or anything but I found it insensitive. I was wondering if anyone else felt that people’s comments were a little cold and dismissive? I’m probably being over sensitive. I don’t know what to say to them when they say this. I feel like I can’t ever ‘move on’…I’ll just ‘move with it’.

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Yeah I will do, thanks. I should have at the time but I had literally just got home from the funeral and he said that so I was a bit taken back. You’re right, it definitely sums it up.

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Dear hh87

So sad to read your post. I lost my husband in a road traffic accident approaching 12 months ago. There is a support service called ‘Brake’ that may be able to help. They are a charity that support people bereaved in similar circumstances to your aunt.

Take care and thinking of you.

Thank you, I’ll certainly look in to that. I’m so sorry for your loss💔I have never felt pain like it in my life. I cry in the shower, when I’m driving and when I go to bed. I find night time the hardest. I have a 16 month old who keeps me busy during the day but then when she’s in bed, at night, I find my sadness is just so overwhelming. I feel worse since the funeral as it just feels so final, especially knowing that her body is no longer in the world. Do you find the nights hardest?

I was with my husband for 42 years and married 38. Until my husband died I had never lived alone so each day is a challenge now. We have two little grandsons (both under the age of two) and I do go round to help mam most days and they are my distraction from the pain. But when I return to the empty house the overwhelming pain comes back and the tears flow.

Like yourself I cry, sometimes constantly for my loss, for our kids loss and especially for our little grandsons loss of a man who loved them so much it hurts. I am trying to put together a memory box.

I hope that you can find some support from friends, family and other services. It is a painful path.

How sad. I’m so sorry for all of you family. My heart goes out to you all. My aunt was married 56 years and to see my uncle that broken was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to witness. I can’t imagine. I’m in so much pain for her loss so I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a wife, husband or partner. He said he just keeps expecting her to walk through the door. It’s so frightening how someone can go out the door say ‘see you later’ and then never return. Yeah we are a close family and I do think this will bring us even closer but I find it hard to talk to people outside the family who aren’t experiencing the same grief as us. I feel like it’s all I talk about but it’s so consuming isn’t it? How can you not talk about it when it affects everything? I think a memory box is a great idea. I just had a personalised frame made so I can put a photograph of her and my little girl in it. It was the last photo ever taken of her.

Dear hb87

All I can really say is be there for your uncle because I can understand most of what he will now be going through. The sudden loss of someone is indescribable. I know the heartbreak of going over the last words exchanged, especially as at the time you do not realise that this will be the case. My husband walked up the path and got on his bike all smiles saying these same words and also called me three hours before the crash. Our grandson (who was the only child at the time) was only 9 months at the time and I was at our son’s house when the police answered his phone. I will say no more other than my world came to a complete end on that day. I understand your uncle expecting your aunt to just walk through the door. Twelve months in and I still sometimes wake thinking it is all a dream and he will be up making our cup of tea.

Sad reality is that people outside the family - except for those on this forum - cannot fully understand the loss.

Please keep your aunt’s memory alive and be there for your uncle, your little girl and take time for yourself to grieve.

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Thank you. I appreciate it. My cousin passed away 2 weeks after the funeral too. (Literally a few days ago💔) My aunt was looking after her in a hospice and it’s almost like she just gave up when she heard that she had been killed. Grief upon grief. Really struggling to believe that this has even happened. I feel like my heart will ache forever. All I keep thinking about is death. Constantly. It’s making me a nervous wreck and I am a mother to a young child; it’s so hard to keep thinking like that and unfair on her but my mind is everywhere.

Dear @hb87,

I am so sorry to read that you have lost your cousin so soon after you lost your aunt. It is only natural that you are deeply affected by these two losses and that you are struggling emotionally. In a way, havng a young child can be helpful, because you will have to look after yourself and do things for his (or her) sake, when all you may want to do sometimes is curl up and just stay in bed. Be proud of yourself for every little thing you manage to do and just take each day at a time. It is very early days for you, and you will not always feel like you are now. It is all part of grieving for someone you loved.
Sheila 26 mentioned the chartity ‘Brake’ that offers support to people who are bereaved due to a traffic accident, There is also a charity called ‘RoadPeace’. Both have telephone lines. I think you may find it helpful to talk with someone who has gone through a similar experience. I have found these links o their pages for you: https://www.brake.org.uk/how-we-help/get-help-if-a-crash-victim and https://www.roadpeace.org/support/emotional-support/
Sending a big virtual hug your way. xx Jo

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That is so helpful. I will certainly look, your words are comforting, thank you so much💜

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