Lost my best friend

My best friend passed on Sunday 5th June, she was 40 after receiving a positive scan beginning of may!
Absolutely devastated is a understatement but I feel so guilty because I’m just thinking about myself and not her family and everyone else who is grieving. I’ve lost family members my auntie, uncles, Nan but never felt this sad before! We texted every day even if it was just one of us tell the other “I love you” . I go to text her to tell her what daft thing I had done or if someone had peed me off! My eyes are filling up just typing this. I’ve got a beautiful caring and loving husband who is supporting me through this but he or anyone else can’t bring her back xx

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Dear @Heatherj1502

Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

Friends become like family and it is like losing a family member. You are in the early stages of grief and it is a rollercoaster of emotions. You are grieving for the loss of your friend and it is not in any way selfish for you to think about yourself.

Sue Ryder has a Grief Self-Help Service which has useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

You too can connect with members who have experienced a similar loss as yourself by by typing in the search bar Loss of a Friend. The support here is incredible.

Please be gentle with yourself and take one day at a time. You are not alone, we are all here for you, please continue to reach out any time.

Take care.


Hi Heatherj1502,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Best Friend. I too, lost my Best Friend of 52.5 years at the end of November and it’s like my arms and legs were cut off. She was the one person who knew everything about me, the person who was always there to cheer me up when things weren’t going very well, the person who could always, no matter what the situation, make me laugh, She was divorced and I never married, although I would have loved to, and to have kids, but, unfortunately, that never happened. My Best Friend understood me, sometimes better than I understood myself, would always encourage me and give me confidence. Her kids and grandkids always called me and regarded me as “Auntie”, and indeed we all felt like we were part of the same family. You know what they say, “Friends are the family we choose for ourself” and that’s so true. I left my home and went to stay with her, support her and look after her for 18 months. It was only when I came home that it really hit me - I felt awful! Couldn’t concentrate on anything, couldn’t watch TV, didn’t want to stay in the house on my own, couldn’t eat properly, had no interest in anything and didn’t even know if I wanted to continue with my life! About 10 days before I came home, a thought came into my head which said “if you need to speak to anyone when you get home, make sure you tell them all about your earlier life” and I’m firmly convinced that it was my Best Friend who put that thought into my head, even though it had been about 7 weeks since she passed away. My Best Friend knew all about my earlier life and how it affected me. She was sooooo right! I managed to find a really good councillor locally, who I managed to build a good rapport with and I’ve been seeing regularly on a private basis for a few months now.
She has thanked me so much for telling her about that thought that came into my head from nowhere, and had definitely not been there before. My councillor has brought out and addressed all the issues that were behind how I was feeling and were now affecting the dreadful Loss that I was now experiencing due to the Loss of my Best Friend. That feeling of not being able to see or talk to my Best Friend will obviously always be with me, but now, with my councillor’s help, I’m beginning to learn to live with it - it’s not easy, but I am trying and my other friends keep remarking how much better I seem. So my advice to you is to try and do the same, try and find a councillor that you can build a rapport with and really open up to - I did and am really glad I did so.

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Thank you so much for your lovely message! I have been referred for councilling through work and hopefully should start that in the next week!
I just feel guilty all the time for lots of reasons I went and had my hair done by my best friends sister couple of days ago and she and her brother are now back in work and I just can’t face work at the moment! my husband is been great but I feel as if I’m a burden to him!
I just want to runaway xx

Hi so sorry to hear you’re going through this. How are you feeling now?
My best friend passed away in October 2022 after being in hospital for 7 months. I am absolutely gutted and am like you in that I think of texting her all the time to tell her stuff, to moan about something or to share something funny, then I realise that I can’t, as she’s not here anymore. One part of me can’t believe it’s real and then another part of me is so heartbroken. I don’t have any other friends. I have a husband and kids who I love, but I miss my friend.

Sorry to hear about your friend!
I was struggling with my mental health before she died and then when she went it’s just finished me off! I haven’t been in work since July 14th 2022 because the job I do ( I take complaint calls ) I just can’t tolerate nasty, Petty people anymore! And so I’m going through the process of finishing work through Ill health! One thing I have found that helps me a bit is in October 2022 I became a volunteer in a hospice and I love it just do 2 hours on a Wednesday evening! It takes my mind off myself, and the patients are so lovely! Im hoping to start cbt shortly as I feel talking therapy doesn’t really work for me!
All I can say is just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself