Lost my best mate, soulmate and partner

Losing a partner
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Recently lost my partner, best friend and soul mate…
We were a gay couple, my partner was openly gay, as i wasnt…
My family dont know about me and my partner…
I feel so lost and empty without him…
I dont know if i wont to carry on without him there for me, he was my rock when i needed him, picked me up of the floor when i was down, now he not here and i feel so empty without him…
I can not tell my family as they are homophobic and wont except im gay…
I dont no where to turn…
My partner was the 1 who new me more than anyone else and that has gone…

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@Onmyown I’m so sorry that you feel that you need to go through this tough time alone.
Could you not say to your family and friends that you have lost a very close friend, that you are finding the loss extremely difficult and need support? They don’t need to know all the details, say that you find it very hard to speak about it and leave it at that.
You always have us here, I, and many others, found this site to be invaluable.

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Onmyown, I am so sorry that your partner died. There is nothing as soul crushing as losing your other half. All of us here have lost ours too and we know how it feels. I am sad for you that you can not talk about your loss and pain with your family, but hopefully your friends are there for you.

You will carry on, we all will. It is hard and we hate it, but we have no choice. We live hour by hour, day by day, until we are able to stand straight up again and face the new world.

Cry, scream, beat up pillows, call your friends to ruminate the details, take long walks, and know that this too shall pass. The pain will lessen, the tears will not flow uncontrollably and life will be alright. It will never be the same, you’ve lost your love and the future you planned, but life will happen.

We are all numb, in a fog, and lost. I am sorry you are a member of the lost souls club, but you are amongst friends here.

Much love.

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It does feel like a lost souls club, yes. Onmyown, I think the lack of a strong support such as you had is so difficult when the person has been there and aren’t anymore. I hope you find inner strength and peace.

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Hello @Onmyown ,

I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

You may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

You might also want to read our article on how to navigate grief as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Abi

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Your last line about your partner knowing you more then anyone else. That is exactly what I’m missing. I had my husbands wake today. Totally exhausted. I’m terrible when I’m tired - a fact my husband always pointed out to me. And god help anyone if I’m hungry as well. It made me think - that no one will know me like that again. Nobody will know my funny ways and quirks, no one will know just what to do or say without having to be told. No one will know the real me underneath. Lots of people think they know the real me - but they don’t, not even my children, especially not my children.

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That is so true, Debsie1.

My wife and I were together since we were 17. We grew into being almost one person. We each knew what the other was thinking, saying things out of the blue at the same time. We would do things for each other before the other had even mentioned it.

We had forty years of life’s shared experiences which made us what we were. I will never have that again.

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