Lost my best mate, soulmate and partner

Losing a partner
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Recently lost my partner, best friend and soul mate…
We were a gay couple, my partner was openly gay, as i wasnt…
My family dont know about me and my partner…
I feel so lost and empty without him…
I dont know if i wont to carry on without him there for me, he was my rock when i needed him, picked me up of the floor when i was down, now he not here and i feel so empty without him…
I can not tell my family as they are homophobic and wont except im gay…
I dont no where to turn…
My partner was the 1 who new me more than anyone else and that has gone…

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@Onmyown I’m so sorry that you feel that you need to go through this tough time alone.
Could you not say to your family and friends that you have lost a very close friend, that you are finding the loss extremely difficult and need support? They don’t need to know all the details, say that you find it very hard to speak about it and leave it at that.
You always have us here, I, and many others, found this site to be invaluable.

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Onmyown, I am so sorry that your partner died. There is nothing as soul crushing as losing your other half. All of us here have lost ours too and we know how it feels. I am sad for you that you can not talk about your loss and pain with your family, but hopefully your friends are there for you.

You will carry on, we all will. It is hard and we hate it, but we have no choice. We live hour by hour, day by day, until we are able to stand straight up again and face the new world.

Cry, scream, beat up pillows, call your friends to ruminate the details, take long walks, and know that this too shall pass. The pain will lessen, the tears will not flow uncontrollably and life will be alright. It will never be the same, you’ve lost your love and the future you planned, but life will happen.

We are all numb, in a fog, and lost. I am sorry you are a member of the lost souls club, but you are amongst friends here.

Much love.

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It does feel like a lost souls club, yes. Onmyown, I think the lack of a strong support such as you had is so difficult when the person has been there and aren’t anymore. I hope you find inner strength and peace.

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Hello @Onmyown ,

I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your partner. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

You may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

You might also want to read our article on how to navigate grief as part of the LGBTQ+ community.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Abi

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Your last line about your partner knowing you more then anyone else. That is exactly what I’m missing. I had my husbands wake today. Totally exhausted. I’m terrible when I’m tired - a fact my husband always pointed out to me. And god help anyone if I’m hungry as well. It made me think - that no one will know me like that again. Nobody will know my funny ways and quirks, no one will know just what to do or say without having to be told. No one will know the real me underneath. Lots of people think they know the real me - but they don’t, not even my children, especially not my children.

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That is so true, Debsie1.

My wife and I were together since we were 17. We grew into being almost one person. We each knew what the other was thinking, saying things out of the blue at the same time. We would do things for each other before the other had even mentioned it.

We had forty years of life’s shared experiences which made us what we were. I will never have that again.

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@Onmyown
I was reading around on the Cruse website trying to make sense of my feelings and I noticed this… link below… I wonder if the support group it mentions might be of use to you:

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I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a partner, especially one who was your rock and knew you so deeply, is an immense pain that’s hard to put into words. Your love for him comes through so strongly in your message, and it’s clear how much he meant to you. Please know that it’s so normal to feel lost and empty right now—grief can be overwhelming, especially when you’ve lost not just a partner but also a best friend and soulmate.

I can’t imagine how heavy it must feel to carry this alone, especially without the support of your family. It’s heartbreaking that you’re navigating this loss without being able to openly share your relationship with them. Please remember, though, that you’re not alone. There are people and communities who can and will support you. LGBTQ+ support groups, either online or in person, can be a safe space to connect with others who understand and will accept you fully for who you are.

Your partner saw you, valued you, and loved you for everything you are, and that love doesn’t disappear—it stays with you, even if it feels hard to reach right now. While it might feel impossible to carry on, take it one moment at a time. You are allowed to grieve, to feel the loss, and to ask for help. You don’t have to face this pain alone.

If you feel overwhelmed, please consider reaching out to a counselor or support hotline. Talking with someone who understands can help lighten the weight you’re carrying. You are worthy of support, compassion, and kindness.

Your partner would want you to keep moving forward, even if it’s just one small step at a time. You’ve already shown such strength by sharing your feelings here, and I hope you can find even more strength in the love and support of others. Take care of yourself, and please know that you are not alone in this.