Lost my big sister

I lost my older sister a month ago. She was 70 years old, but very fit and positive. The problem is that we hadn’t very been close for several years, and living a long way apart hadn’t helped. Life got in the way, then Covid, and before we knew it we hadn’t seen each other for three years. She was a very strong, and rather controlling person, but she was my sister and I loved her in the rather detached way that my whole family have always done.
It’s hard to square this detachment with the terrible sense of loss I feel. Understandably her husband and adult children are the ones who receive the sympathy first.
Do other members have similar experiences of less than great relationships and bereavement?

Hello @Iris, thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry for the loss of your big sister. Losing a sibling can be incredibly painful and hard to accept as your sister has such a special place in your life. However, this bereavement can also be more complicated for some, particularly if your relationship with your sister was complicated. You deserve help and support through this.

We have some resources to help you cope with grief:

Hopefully someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take good care,

First of all I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my big sister in January and it was a complete and utter shock. She was super fit and ran 3 times a week. It was a cancer diagnosis and totally out of the blue. I totally understand your feeling about her family coming first in peoples thoughts which is understandable l agree. But my nieces totally took over the funeral arrangements with myself and her estranged husband taking a back seat. We did have some input but not a lot. I accepted this at the time but thinking about it afterwards felt slightly angry. It’s an emotional time for all concerned I know but I do have some resentment of how l was treated. Haven’t had opportunity to discuss it since and probably won’t.

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I’m sorry for your loss, and thank you for replying. I think that funerals should be for everyone to contribute to if they wish. It’s usually rushed and it seems that siblings are sometimes sidelined. My sister didn’t want a funeral at all, which is fine. However it would be good to have some kind of memorial for her later. I’ve been very keen to make sure I maintain and build on the remaining relationships in my family, because my sister and I had both allowed our relationship to take a back seat. It’s certainly proving to be a very painful lesson to learn too late in this case.