Christmas Eve morning how terrible. It was richard’s birthday when he died. It is all just sh*t really isn’t it 9 weeks ago today mi remember the hours before I got the call from his friends in Norway and how my life changed from that moment on . I now hate Friday nights and Saturday mornings so much and each one is worse than the one before xxxxxx
Thank you so much. I just wonder how you managed to get through the last 6.5 years. As I don’t think I can get through the next 6.5 hours xxxx
Thank you so much. How old was your daughter Every day is so hard isn’t it x
Hi - I feel the same about Fri/sat as with Sam first ambulance came on Friday night then he died on sat night weekends impossible for me too at present I do hope this will improve in the future I also feel as though I have to rewind the whole thing from start to finish at a certain time on a Saturday night. It was 7 weeks yesterday and we are in Corfu now as my oldest daughter is getting married here on Monday - we are aiming for joyful with a bit of sad.
All the very best to all who find some help here
Salx
Try and get some enjoyment in the wedding. My other son is getting married September 1st and I am dreading it. He has had to choose another best man and I can barely talk to the poor chap
I will think of you at the wedding xxxxx
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Thanks I will let you know how it goes xxx
Hi Richards mum, my daughter had just had her 50th birthday when she was told that she had 3 to 6 months to live,she had pancreatic cancer,she was so brave.We were very close as you are,i like to think she is looking down and keeping a eye on me.Please remember people in the same position know the pain you are going threw and are thinking of you every day. I send all my love to you and your family. Love Carole xxx
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Hi Richard’s mum, I connected with you several weeks ago - just wondered how you are doing?
Good morning…I really feel for you because I can relate to how you may be feeling…
I have only 2 children, both sons, and in May 2016 I got a phone call to say my youngest son (39) had a heart attack and was in surgery at the hospital.
It was such a shock as he was a slim, fit, healthy eating firefighter…he has since recovered fully and is back at work…but 5 weeks after his heart attack, my eldest son was diagnosed with terminal cancer of the stomach, oesophagus and lymph nodes…
He has since died 8 weeks ago, he was 43 years old and has left behind 4 children ages 11to 22 who are devastated by his loss…
We nursed him at home and it was heartbreaking to see his suffering.
He was 6 ft 2ins and over the course of his illness he lost almost 10 stones.
Since his death I’ve felt totally numb and have barely cried at all.
I feel there’s this huge thing inside me that I dare’nt let out because it will overwhelm me.
The thing that’s helping us all most at the moment is keeping busy and planning things for the future, such as Christmas…We’ve booked a pantomime and a meal out so that we’re doing something different than normal so we hope it may make things easier for us all.
Me and my hubby,both in our 70’s have cleared out every cupboard and drawers in the house and are now going to decorate everywhere…we need to keep busy.
I greatly feel the grief of his children, and his brother is almost broken by his death.
I hope your family and mine can find a pathway through all of these feelings and end up in a better place than we are at the minute…
Sending big Hugs yo you…
Just the same really. Up and down Periods of intense pain and horrid emptiness. My grandson is here for weekend and being 20 months old he keeps me on my toes. But I can’t lose the feeling that I just don’t want to be here !!!
How are you doing xxx
That is so hard for you And so hard to understand in a young man !!! Richard had no children as he had only been married 8 months. They had just decided to try for a family. My other son has a boy but I find it so hard to connect with him. Or my other boy to be honest. I still wake up angry that I have woken up
I have cleaned my house from top to bottom. I haven’t gone bCk to work though as yet and I am considering leaving althogetjed now and dozing some voluntary work instead
I hope that you manage to get through this hell better than I am doing. Much love xxxxxx
Hi Dollypop28, and hello again Richard’s Mum, I’m a bit further down this horrible road and hope I can give you a bit of encouragement - though we all grieve differently so my experience won’t necessarily be the same as yours. My daughter died 18 months ago and for the first 6 months I was numb, on auto pilot. Yes we cried and hugged a lot at first as a family, but I kept being strong for everyone else as us Mums tend to do, don’t we. Then I got a virus infection, nothing serious but my body went into total meltdown and for the next six or seven months the raw grief took over and I felt awful, kept thinking I was going to die, and every little set back was a major disaster. The good news is that since the beginning of the year things have been much better - maybe an acceptance of the new normal instead of fighting it? - and I have many more good days than bad, but I try to take a day at a time and split it up into sections to make it manageable, and I try to keep busy even though a lot of the time I feel I can’t be bothered. I still tire easily, and even have a doze during the day from time to time, and it’s taken a long time to get used to doing that without feeling guilty but grief is physically exhausting so you need to be kind to yourself and go at your own pace till you come out on the other side. Hope that helps. Hugs, Kathy xx
Thanks for this. Poor you with the virus. That will be your body telling you to look after yourself !!!
You say you were worried you were going to die. Sadly that is my desire. I will never do anything stupid but every night I go to bed I just ask that I can go to sleep and not wake up. Just like rich. So I don’t worry about dying !!!
Today I had my other son around with my grandson I try and pretend it is all lovely but I just feel empty inside
I have decided used to leave work and I will look for something new to keep my mind active
I am glad that you are now feeling a little better Even though you still need a nap !!!
Mtake care of yourself Lovely to hear from you xxxxxx
I know what you mean about wanting to go to sleep and not wake up, it sometimes seemed the only way out of the pain. I can’t remember how or when it got more bearable, but it did, probably just time. And I well remember the feeling of emptiness and thought that that was it for the rest of my life. Thank goodness for this site. I wish I’d found it sooner because no one prepares you for what grief feels like and sometimes I thought I was going mad, but on here there’s always someone you can identify with.
I’m fortunate that I didn’t have a job. I couldn’t imagine coping with that, the effort of having to be out of bed promptly every morning and putting on a brave face all day - and not being able to have my siestas either! We moved abroad several years ago and our home is also home to a variety of neglected and abandoned animals so they give me something to get up for - but are very forgiving if I’m sometimes a bit late. I hope you find something else you enjoy to keep you occupied.
You take good care of yourself too. Kathy xxx
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