My mother and I found my brother dead in bed two weeks ago. He’d been there two days.
He was 59. At the time of his death he was actually sober. House was clean, he’d bought lots of food.
He died of a gastric ulcer so a traumatic scene.
I’ll never forget finding him. The shock and image is seared into my brain, as are the surroundings.
I think he had vomited blood in the not to distant past as we had gone to his house before to clean up for him. We thought it was red wine at the time.
How I wish we had spotted the warning signs. I doubt he would have listened though.
I seem to going through a range of emotions. I think the shock is subsiding a bit but I’ve got this constant ache in my tummy. Feel a bit shaky, no appetite etc. period of intense sadness then back to the low hum again.
I lost my dad last month to alcoholism, also 59. Even when begging him, he wouldn’t go to hospital. Only got him in 10 days before he passed and it was too late. They said it would have likely been end of life for 6 months before that. The guilt keeps creeping up but you need to remember you did what you can with the information you had.
Thank you and so sorry for your loss too. It’s just so sad. My brother and your Dad could have had such different lives but I suppose addiction was the hand they were dealt.
I hope you are able to read my reply, I have only just come back into here after months away and I just came across your post. I just wanted to say that I lost my 48 year old brother at Christmas almost 11 months ago now. He died from alcoholism too. The only thing I am grateful for is that he died in hospital and I was holding his hand. I am so sorry your situation was very different, it must have been incredibly traumatic finding him like that. 11 months on, I some days feel worse than I did in the early days after he died. It’s not just losing your brother, there are so many knock on effects that other people have no idea about that you just can’t explain to them. Like I’m not just phoning my mum anymore, I’m also phoning a woman who has lost her first born child. I’m not just seeing my 8 year old nephew at the weekend, I’m seeing the little boy who I had to break the news to that his daddy had died. Then there’s the anger- mainly at people who you thought you were close to who just never check in with you, never talk about your lost brother… so much that affects you on top of actually grieving for your brother. It’s a really awful time, if you ever feel alone, just know that I’m out there thinking of you.