I’m so sorry for the loss of your son, @Tylersdad - that is devastating. I just want to reassure you that you are not alone - sadly many of our members have experienced the loss of a child and will understand some of what you’re going through.
There’s a really supportive thread here where members who have lost their children as adults share their experiences. You might find it helpful to read.
I can that you’re in the US. If you ever want to talk to someone, day or night, Befrienders Worldwide can help you find local support.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support but I just wanted to share those links with you.
Take good care,
Seaneen